Bright Zimmerman/IF-88.603
Rumor / Community LoreThis article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community. It is just one of many Rumors that we've found in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill. You can find more Rumors about Bright Zimmerman at their Rumor Registry.
Player History
Bright Zim (on official documents, Bright Zimmerman) is a merfolk pitcher for the Philly Pies. He gained renown pitching for the Underleagues' Atlantis Sharkbait. When he came ashore, he introduced himself formally as "Bright Zim, merman." His surname was incorrectly recorded as Zimmerman, which still follows him on his official records to this day.
It is rumored that Zim actually joined the team to escape a massive fish debt he had mysteriously accrued in Atlantis. This is supported by the fact that when he first joined the team he initially spent much of his time in disguise as a popular folk musician. After it was pointed out to him that his tail easily gave him away, he abandoned the disguise, feeling rather silly.
While the move to an Internet League Blaseball team is a step up in the world of blaseball, it is one rarely taken by merfolk due to their difficulties in living on land. Zim uses a personal mobility device for this reason. His wheeled aquarium is large enough to sit comfortably inside, and can be steered from within by just a flick of his tail, thanks to sophisticated motion sensing technology. Zim's pitching has been inconsistent since joining the Pies, something he attributes to the differences between pitching through air and water. He has a special Pitching Tank that he plays from, which gives him greater range of motion than the mobility aquarium he uses to get around. It takes roughly ten minutes to set up each time he takes the mound.
The Iron Contract
Due to his lackluster performance Pies GM Sam Hinkie has long sought to remove Zim from the team. However, Zim has taken a liking to the flavor of the water in the Delaware river and adamantly refuses to leave. After taking several community college classes in splorts law, Zim was able to create the Iron Contract, one of the most unbreakable contracts in all of Blaseball. Attempts to trade, fire, revoke, or otherwise get rid of Zim have all been thwarted by the Iron Contract's labyrinthine tangle of clauses and stipulations. "You shall never be rid of me!" declared a power-mad Zim, tempting fate. "A hard rain may fall, but it shall not strike me!"
During one of these impromptu rants, Zim accidentally let a bit of spittle fall onto the Iron Contract. In a freak coincidence, the spittle smudged the word "Philadelphia" so it looked like the word "Canada." The tendril-like clauses of the contract promptly seized Zim and dragged him flailing and screaming across the northern border.
There is a general consensus that none of this would have been an issue in the first place if Zim had put half as much effort into his pitching as he did thwarting attempts to get him off the roster.
