Bright Zimmerman/Rumor Registry
Rumors
Bright Zimmerman has 2 Rumors written about so far.
Bright Zimmerman/IF-613.18
Personal Life
Born and raised in Northeast Philly, Bright Zimmerman was born into a large Ashkenazi Jewish family, to the name Brina Tehila Zimmerman. The third of eight siblings, she was raised Modern Orthodox and continued to practice throughout her life, though slightly less observantly than she did in her youth. In interviews she talks about her family fondly, having said in the past: “My family is part of the reason I love Blaseball so much! When there’s always someone around to throw a ball with you, it makes practicing a whole lot easier!”
Zimmerman was also well known in Blaseball academic circles, perhaps most notably for a series of papers co-authored with several fellow academics in Blaseball circles. She held a PhD in Sociology and Social Data Analysis from Penn Stlate University.
Though records showed Zimmerman as a batter and catcher throughout her school career, she joined the league as a pitcher at the age of nineteen. There has been speculation throughout the years of reasons as to why, ranging from faulty contracts to prophecies, though no theories have ever been confirmed.
Blaseball Career
Pies
Zimmerman was frequently described as one of the Philly Pies’ worst pitchers throughout her time on the team, despite maintaining positive win/loss records for the majority of the Discipline Era [1] and was rumored to have an antagonistic relationship with Pies Management.
Despite this, Zimmerman still had a series of strong relationships among her teammates. One of the earliest mentions of Zimmerman was in an interview with Cedric Gonzalez in which he spoke at length about their habit of playing card games together at away games. Zimmerman could also frequently be seen going out after games [2] with Spears Taylor and Mickey Woods. Zimmerman would even go on to invite Forrest Bookbaby to be her roommate after his arrival to the team.
Though he joined after their first championship, by all accounts Zimmerman was fast friends with Nicholas Mora, often spotted pouring over textbooks with him as early as mid-Season 2. In coming years, they would continue to be sat next to each other for nearly every press event, and were often seen having lively debates in Latin in the Pies’ dugout during games where neither pitched.
Zimmerman was perhaps most well known across the league for her penchant of getting into fights. That reputation started with an outburst that occurred towards the end of Season 2, immediately following the incineration of Gonzalez. Though recordings of this event rarely surface, rumors quickly spread throughout the league, ranging from claims that she physically assaulted an Ump to setting a fire made out of batteries thrown onto the field of Tastykake Stadium. Pies management denied the occurrence of any such event, but several scorch marks could be seen across the field for the rest of the season.
Similarly, Zimmerman was often seen arguing with fellow teammate Jessica Telephone, perhaps most famously captured in a video in which a physical confrontation broke out, dating back to before Telephone’s first shelling [3]. The video, despite attempts to be squashed by Pies management, garnered several million views after being posted to Twlitter, and only served to fuel Zimmerman’s unfortunate reputation.
Not Pies
Despite Pies Management’s several attempts to trade her over the years, Zimmerman’s eventual departure from the team took the form of a feedback with Moist Talkers player Doc Anice in Season 13, sending Zimmerman off to Canada.
Though Zimmerman’s tenure on the team was brief, it still led to some friendships at the time– she remarked in an interview that Moist Talkers batter Fish Summer was kind enough to house her for her duration on the team. More notably, however, it also led to Zimmerman receiving her third ring, pitching the penultimate game in the team’s quest for the championship. Ultimately, though, she was revoked, reportedly leading to hard feelings between her and several of her teammates.
Whether due to external factors or a lack of confidence, Zimmerman’s performance continued to further decline upon her arrival to the Charleston Shoe Thieves. Teammates often remarked she was closed off, a marked difference to her quiet but passionate demeanour she had displayed prior to this. Regardless, crowds in Charleston seemed to dislike her even more than in Philly, leading to a celebration when she was inevitably shadowed by The Choux’s fax machine.
Eventually, she was also revoked by the Thieves, making her the first known ILB player to be revoked twice. Roamin’ brought her to Kansas City, where she remained in the shadows until Season 21, when she finally made her ILB debut as a batter upon being voicemailed onto the lineup. Despite eventually aiding the team in their championship the following season [4], Zimmerman remained reserved, and was largely only seen speaking to Jon Halifax on their arrival to the team. However, this changed after being reunited with Nicholas Mora upon his acquisition by the Breath Mints. For the duration of Mora’s tenure in the Breath Mints shadows, the two were nearly inseparable, and Zimmerman was reportedly left devastated by Mora's forging and sequestering to the vault during the ILB Semi-centennial.
Pies …2!
At the end of Season 23, Zimmerman returned home for the first time in over ten seasons, roaming back to the Philly Pies, this time as a batter. Three days into Season 24, she would trigger the first known instance of the stuck modification by triggering Avoidance in the wake of the incineration of her former teammates, the Kansas City Breath Mints. Similar to her shadowing, there were celebrations across the league upon Zimmerman’s incineration, only twenty-six days after coming home.Bright Zimmerman/IF-88.603
Player History
Bright Zim (on official documents, Bright Zimmerman) is a merfolk pitcher for the Philly Pies. He gained renown pitching for the Underleagues' Atlantis Sharkbait. When he came ashore, he introduced himself formally as "Bright Zim, merman." His surname was incorrectly recorded as Zimmerman, which still follows him on his official records to this day.
It is rumored that Zim actually joined the team to escape a massive fish debt he had mysteriously accrued in Atlantis. This is supported by the fact that when he first joined the team he initially spent much of his time in disguise as a popular folk musician. After it was pointed out to him that his tail easily gave him away, he abandoned the disguise, feeling rather silly.
While the move to an Internet League Blaseball team is a step up in the world of blaseball, it is one rarely taken by merfolk due to their difficulties in living on land. Zim uses a personal mobility device for this reason. His wheeled aquarium is large enough to sit comfortably inside, and can be steered from within by just a flick of his tail, thanks to sophisticated motion sensing technology. Zim's pitching has been inconsistent since joining the Pies, something he attributes to the differences between pitching through air and water. He has a special Pitching Tank that he plays from, which gives him greater range of motion than the mobility aquarium he uses to get around. It takes roughly ten minutes to set up each time he takes the mound.
The Iron Contract
Due to his lackluster performance Pies GM Sam Hinkie has long sought to remove Zim from the team. However, Zim has taken a liking to the flavor of the water in the Delaware river and adamantly refuses to leave. After taking several community college classes in splorts law, Zim was able to create the Iron Contract, one of the most unbreakable contracts in all of Blaseball. Attempts to trade, fire, revoke, or otherwise get rid of Zim have all been thwarted by the Iron Contract's labyrinthine tangle of clauses and stipulations. "You shall never be rid of me!" declared a power-mad Zim, tempting fate. "A hard rain may fall, but it shall not strike me!"
During one of these impromptu rants, Zim accidentally let a bit of spittle fall onto the Iron Contract. In a freak coincidence, the spittle smudged the word "Philadelphia" so it looked like the word "Canada." The tendril-like clauses of the contract promptly seized Zim and dragged him flailing and screaming across the northern border.
There is a general consensus that none of this would have been an issue in the first place if Zim had put half as much effort into his pitching as he did thwarting attempts to get him off the roster.
Bright Zimmerman’s Big Wet Rivertrip
After Zim gained the “Roamin’' modification at the end of season 14, he embarked on a cross-country road trip through North America's many waterways. Having largely lived his Blaseball playing life in Philadelphia, eating battery cheesesteaks, or in Moist Talkers Canada eating battery poutine, Zim hoped to see as much of North America as he could, which, tragically, round up largely being Kansas, or wherever the Mints played.
In between his life's passion of playing the big game of Blaseball, and his other life's passion, pitching the Mints on new fish-flavoured battery mints, Zim travailed local waterways and hiking trails, despite the fact that he was neither a freshwater fish or really capable of breathing air at all, claiming that he was “just building up resistance” and that it “feels really good, actually. Plus, look at how tweaked my tail is, man”. Forgoing the usual hiking supplies, Zim subsisted on his natural diet of eating fish food granules, particularly slow frogs, frog eggs (“nature’s boba tea!”), and fish too slow to notice the apex predator in their midst.
Local animal control groups, scientists and Fish-Fanciers were soon on the hunt for the wayward fishman, intending to capture and study what they assumed to be a new invasive and highly locomotive species. Many other Blaseball players would be disconcerted by such an occurrence, but to Zim, it was a fantastic opportunity to share his art with the world. Under his fisheudonym “Wet Banksy”, Zim graffitied any vehicles sent after him with either poignant societal commentary, or entirely insufferable scribbles, depending on who was asked. Innumerable vans, boats and helicopters were transformed, throwing the art community into a frenzy as everyone sought to buy them, as well as providing a massive influx of business to garage and car hole conglomerates.
Zim’s escapades also attracted the attention of one Jaxon Buckley, who, hearing rumors about a mysterious new “Fishfoot”, spent his spare time trying to track down the nascent (and potentially sexy) cryptid. Not realizing their quarry was their own former teammate, Jaxon suffered many Wet-Banksying’s to loyal horse Fletcher, transforming the poor beast into the single most valuable work of art in the world, and also functionally into a stencil-art zebra. The two finally met when Jaxon, using their trademark quick-thinking, set a trap with a paint-it-yourself mug filled with fish sauce and Skate Juice (based on Jaxon’s thinking that a powerful cryptid must have a powerful thirst) which Zim eagerly fell for. Having never really talked to each other before now, and owing to their pent-up frustrations (and also a general love of cryptids in one side of the party), the pair entered into a whirlwind on-and-off again relationship (usually taking place when Zim stumbled into one of Jaxon’s hobby-grade cryptid traps, or vice versa).
Returning to Philadelphia to take their relationship full time and make it official, Zim channeled his newfound hiking hobby into exploring the city’s vast, haunted sewer system (which also provided a great deal of batteries for him to chew), where he repeatedly startled the life out of Lang Richardson, The Philly Pie Hamilton Phanatic. Richardson reportedly only refrained from harming Zim because he “thought [Zim] might be some sort of Killer Croc type guy, like from Spiderman Turn Off The Dark, yknow? Mister Hamilton is down here, so I can’t just blast anything that scares me!”. Sadly, Bright Zim’s metaphorical roadtrip of life would end in these same sewers when Jessica Telephone, local troublemaker, was attacked by a roving Rogue Umpire after venturing into the sewers to search for the Ninja Turtles (who were no longer returning her calls). Zim, thinking her hollered curses were Lang Richardson, burst out of the murk to scare her even further, and tragically caught the fireball intended for Jessica Telephone. There, he died content, in the arms of a confused but sad Jessica Telephone, finally a hero for the pies. Fin.
Fin is a fish joke.
Create New Rumor
To create a new Rumor for Bright Zimmerman, use the Page Creation tool to the right. The IF number needs to be a randomly generated 4 or 5 digit number with a period placed somewhere within, and it cannot match any numbers currently used on this page. We've generated one for you to use, but feel free to use a different number. This will create a subpage under Bright Zimmerman for inclusion in the main page. Visit Interdimensional Rumor Mill/Guide to read more about how to create a new Rumor.
