UserWiki:NautALoid/planning

The following entry is a collection of notes and signs found in Bevan Underbuck and Enid Marlow’s apartment.

Entryway

• Printed on a sheet of paper, in Times New Roman:
  • GUEST RULES:
    1. If you invite Ken over you have to do an exorcism within 6 hours of him leaving, or 2 hours on a full moon.
    2. Sigils for warding against Interdimensional intruders need to be refreshed at least once a month.
    3. Sigils of true form need to be removed or clearly labeled before Fairwood comes over because it makes ner ask a lot of questions ne doesn’t want to deal with yet.
    4. Sigils of true form need to be removed or clearly labeled before Parker Parra comes over because it makes the universe ask a lot of questions that it doesn't want to deal with yet.
    5. If you invite over animals from the woods or shapeshifters that turn into animals, use the lint roller afterwards so that errant fur doesn't fuck up new spells.
       • Scribbled on the bottom of the page, with an arrow pointing to Rule 5: do catboys count
       • In a third distinct handwriting, below the added note: yes. Obviously

Kitchen

• "Discarded sheds from shells, antlers, and carapace have to be thrown directly into the outside garbage so they don't fill up all the inside ones"
• "Interdimensional beings who spend more than 3 days in the apartment have to contribute to grocery money."
• “No spell components in the microwave.
  • P.S. the microwave is not a spell component either.”
• Written in pencil directly onto the wall above the trashcan: “Hi everyone! Love what you’ve done with the place, but can you leave the trash where it is? There’s so much good stuff in there! I’ll throw out what I don’t eat, don’t worry. —Love, Finn”
• On a note on the refrigerator: “Enid—Did you use all the milk in a ritual? I JUST bought that, please buy some more!”
• "Anything considered 'Hazardous Material" by either the Baltimore City Council or the Chesapeake Bay Witches cannot be stored in the food fridge, no matter how well labeled it is"
  • "The fact that Finn can eat it does not override the previous rule"
• "please only leave out salt from 3-5 on tuesdays or i WILL throw it out"
• "Utensils for potion brewing and cooking utensils must be kept separate and distinctly labeled. Do NOT use the lasagna pan to make fire-conjuring potions.
• "Check both the oven's external temperature display and the thermometer inside the oven before opening the door, especially when the oven is full of concoctions. Sometimes the oven is tricked."
• "do not make churros. i don't care if you're sober next time, you've all lost privileges"
• "no cursing or bespelling of any blade longer than a chef's knife"
• On a sheaf of papers stapled to the bottom of the first, in fancy handwriting "no cursing or bespelling of any blade sharper than a butter knife. you know why. –A.C."
  • The papers below the first note are medical bills.

Living room

• A piece of notebook paper threaded to a garland on the ceiling: “Bevan. Be a love and be more mindful of your antlers, I know you knocked into the ceiling skeleton, I heard it start screaming from my room.”
• A laminated sheet of construction paper in the living room nearest the apartment’s entrance, reading “KNIFE ZONE.” The sign, door, and surrounding wall are riddled with holes, presumably from knives.
• A laminated sheet of construction paper on the opposite side of the living room, reading “NOT A KNIFE ZONE.” The surrounding wall is riddled with holes, presumably from knives.
• Written backwards on the living room mirror, apparently from behind the glass: “We won’t be trapped in here forever.”
• (written in marker, directly onto a half-broken coffee table precariously balanced on its three intact legs) “BROKEN!! Do NOT place additional weight on it.” Several large tomes and a cow skull decorated in fairy lights are piled on the sturdier side.
• On a line of masking tape on the edge of one bookshelf: “BOOKS GO ON THE SHELVES NOT THE GROUND”
• "While it is very sweet that you did it, you still need to warn someone if you're going to astral project into the living room so you don't miss movie night while you're visiting Miami"
• "No summoning extra dimensional beings into the living room."
  • "Yes this includes Parra"
• "No blaming your roommate for summoning an extra dimensional beings into the living room for no reason."
• "Any incantations of third grade or higher needs to be proofread by Enid before being cast indoors because we cannot afford to replace the TV again"
• By the window, next to three empty plant pots: "The complex's 'no pets' rule apparently also applies to houseplants than can hunt anything larger than a vole."

Bathroom

• Do NOT use sink as a cauldron for your unholy experiments
• Absolutely do NOT use tub as a cauldron, Finn sleeps in there sometimes.
• Do not look at the shadows in the steam. They will look back.
• Written next to the mirror, on a sheet of paper unevenly ripped from a notebook: “DO NOT talk to the figure in the window, it is not your reflection. THIS IS NOT A MIRROR.”
• “If you’re going to stand in the bathtub and chant in the middle of the night, put a sign up on the door first.”

Marlow’s door

• A series of four post-it notes on Marlow’s bedroom door:
  • “Enid—There are piles of dead cicadas on the floor, and bucket loads more live ones crawling around. Why.”
  • Pasted on top of the first: “Bevan. Don’t open the windows when I tell you not to, if it’s too hot in here then you can buy a fan. I accept no responsibility for this.”
  • Pasted next to the second: “When did you tell me not to open the windows? I think I’d remember!”
  • Pasted below the third: “Did I not? My mistake. I’ll create a calendar for you to follow. In the meantime, feel free to do whatever you wish with the cicadas, I have no need for them.”
• A calendar, hung by a freshly hammered nail in drywall, notated with a bioluminescent substance. Certain dates are circled, underlined, starred, or otherwise marked with various symbols, seemingly at random.
• "I want to hear from you, not the landlord or neighbors, that you might have hexed the place."

Casting room

• "Please put when you're planning on using the casting room on the lCal, you know what happens when you interrupt a ritual."
• "Always clean and renew the spell circle when you're done with it"