Talk:Yusef Puddles/Archive
Yusef Puddles Pies Lore
Yusef, an Arab Jew, was born in Philadelphia to a Muslim father and Jewish mother. They spent much of their time growing up on their computer, where they learned the ancient art of hacking. They operated under the name "xX_puddles_Xx" after their pet duck, Puddles. At the age of 6, they hacked into the New York Nut Exchange (NUTDAQ) and were responsible for the single largest instance of peanut fraud on record. They were brought before a judge, who ruled that they not be allowed access to a computer or other electronic device until their 18th birthday. They spent much of this time playing blaseball.
After high school, Yusef attended Temple University on a blaseball scholarship and resumed their interest in hacking. During one aimless hacking session, they gained entry into the Philly Pies' computer systems and accessed Yeong-Ho Benitez's personal files. They discovered that Benitez was looking into a far-reaching conspiracy that could bring down all of blaseball. They quickly downloaded the files onto a floppy disk, which they stuck inside an air vent with bubble gum.
Yusef became obsessed with this conspiracy, losing sleep and causing their grades to suffer. After Benitez was incinerated, they saw an opening. Yusef regained access to the Pies' system, this time inserting themselves as Benitez's replacement. They entered their name as "Yusef Puddles" so that their parents would not know about their plan to drop out of college to pursue the truth through a career in blaseball. Using their phreaking skills, they contacted Sam Hinkie and told him of the disk with purloined data, which was more than enough for Hinkie to confirm Yusef's appointment to the team.
Career with the Pies
Puddles has quickly become a fan favorite in Philly, owing largely to the dolphin mask they wear whenever they are in public. It is reminiscent of the dolphin avatar they used as a hacker, which had led some rival hackers to theorize that Puddles themself was a dolphin. The Pies have capitalized on this popularity, with dolphin masks becoming the hottest selling item in the stadium after the new Yeong-Ho memorial pies.
This was the lore that the Pies came up with. Lemme know what you think! Thanks!!! Cassiterine (talk) 22:35, 13 October 2020 (UTC)
Known Cybercrimes
- Hacked all the arcade games at Dave & Busters. Management keeps trying to throw them out but they always find a way to sneak back in.
- Hacked Blaseball fan-fiction websites and deleted stories they deemed "too horny."
- Diverted several shipments of mechanical keyboards to their apartment.
- Installed illegal web-cams in the dolphin tank at the Baltimore aquarium.
- Hacked Tastycake Stadium PA system to play personal selection of Lo-fi beats.
- Hacked the smart speaker of the Baltimore aquarium's janitor to play dolphin noises at night as part of a plot to convince them that they were being haunted by dolphin ghosts.
- Hacked the browser on the Baltimore aquarium's janitor's laptop to repeatedly show web pages which advised that the best way to exorcise dolphin ghosts is to reinstall any webcams that might have been removed from their tank.
- Hacked their court appointed therapist's laptop to access her notes and replace the phrase "troubling fixation with dolphins" with the phrase "mild and somewhat charming fixation with dolphins."
- Hacked into the GPS of Kennedy Loser's car as he was on the way to Philadelphia to teach a lesson to the punk who was messing with his cousin, the janitor at the Baltimore aquarium. Yusef redirected him to Wilmington, DE.
- Hacked several electronic billboards in Wilmington, DE to display phrases such as "Welcome to Philadelphia" and "Boy! It's a nice day here in Philadelphia."
