Nerd Pacheco/Hon-M.FA in Creative Internal Narrative Fiction
This article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community. It is just one of many Rumors that we've found in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill. You can find more Rumors about Nerd Pacheco at their Rumor Registry.
Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing (Internal Narratives and Genre Studies, Noir elective)
''Nerd "Guns" Pacheco smirked as they chewed on their cigarette-flavored gum and smoked their gum-flavoured cigarette. They'd done it again. Nobody did it better than Nerd "6'4 and Cool Guns" Pacheco, the greatest detective this side of Detectivetown and also better than anyone on the other side of Detectivetown. What had they done? Don't worry about it.''
"Strike one, looking!"
''Nerd "The Biggest Guns of All" Pacheco hated distractions almost as much as they hated unsolved cases, and they hated unsolved cases almost as much as they hated the third thing they hated. But the customers of varying genders loved Nerd " " Pacheco, and they loved them back but in like a cool way because they were cool and didn't want to come across as being too into it. Nerd kicked their feet back on their desk (made of guns) and reminisced for three hours about the time they solved the case of Alaynabella's missing vape pen, and then they reminisced some more and stared out the window and everything was slow and black and white and their face was reflected on the window.''
"Strike two, looking!"
''Nerd "Other Weapons Are Cool, But It's Just Not The Same" Pacheco thought about how cool and tough they were. This one time a professional blaseball team had even seen them holding a bat in a cool way and asked them to sign with them? Everyone was super into it and Nerd totally signed the contract but in a cool ironic way because they don't do commitment, and obviously they weren't going to show up, where even was Moab anyway? Anyway their veins began to run hot and dry for a while after that, and they could see a bright light when they closed their eyes, and their customers would shake and hide when they spoke words of flame that burned their throat and the transformation began, but they got back to solving the case of the Insurrection Against The Light of Day soon enough, and everyone was like "hell yeah they're so cool."''
"Strike three! Out!"
''Nerd blinked and shook their head, imagining a darker time in which people hit blalls with blats and they toiled day and night for a terrible splorts team at the gates of Hell. Just another example of their dark and twisted imagination, probably. They walked away, coolly, with their guns, and felt the heat of the sun hot on their neck.''
''It was cool.''