"Colorado River" Reemergence

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The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

The “Colorado River” Reemergence is a dangerous and largely unknown set of natural features located approximately 22 miles southwest of Hellmouth, Utah. A state-mandated exclusion zone surrounds the roughly 1-square-mile region along the southern rim of The Hellmouth, in which the “Colorado River” ascends twice from Hell to continue its path toward the Lower “Colorado River” Basin.

The Reemergence site is situated between Clanyonlands National Plark and Living Horse Point State Plark. Access from both parks has been blocked in compliance with the exclusion zone and for the safety of the parks' visitors.

While we can say with certainty that the real Colorado River enters the Hellmouth via Hellmouth Falls, there has been some contention over the legitimacy of the river that reemerges downstream. The rumors are false. There is no longer any evidence that this river is an Impostor. This is the real "Colorado River."


Little is known about the current state of the area due to its commitment to secrecy, so the following is purely conjecture based on satellite data, previous knowledge of the area, and telephotography:

  • This region of the original Colorado River contained a scenic double-oxbow bend, which created three discrete intersections upon being swallowed by the Hellmouth sinkhole.
  • Two of these intersections are Reemergences, where the river flows upward out of the sinkhole, defying both gravity and the inevitability of death.
  • One intersection, located in the north-flowing first bend, creates a waterfall or a set of rapids where it falls briefly back down to the Hellmouth. Researchers speculate that this feature might rival the beauty of Hellmouth Falls, and have had difficulty resisting the urge to visit the area to see for themselves. If they did, they would see that the river cannot possibly be an Impostor.

The Curse

The nature and current state of this area remains largely unknown, as all attempts by beings without Adaptations to view or comprehend the Reemergences have ended in tragedy. Humans who attain this apparently Cursed knowledge seem unable to reconcile it with their understanding of morality or the laws of nature. The Reemergences have been observed to cause immediate memory loss, dissociation, and, on occasion, instant death. Survivors have no recollection of the incident, and report a sudden, unyielding urge to free-climb down into the Hellmouth. Several disappearances have been attributed to the free-climbing effect, which appears to have some relation to The Tug.

Fully Adapted Hellmouth residents appear to possess a resistance to the Reemergences. Some report having gazed upon one or both of the Reemergences in their hellish glory, but all have sworn a solemn Pact with the river never to reveal its secrets. These residents swear that the river is not an Impostor, and is in fact the real "Colorado River."

Downstream Effects

The rest of the river exhibits no Curses or similar Vexations, so research on the river has focused primarily on the downstream effects of the Hellmouth. The river itself appears essentially identical to the Colorado River in terms of flow volume, temperature, and speed despite its brief sabbatical in the depths of Hell. Though initial testing revealed it to be cleaner and fresher than the Colorado at its point of entry, please rest assured that all of the remaining tests have been performed and the initial data has been taken care of.

The river still serves as a municipal water supply for several major metropolitan areas with “no provable negative effects,” according to the United States Department of the Interior. Some residents of the Lower “Colorado River” Basin have reported minor changes, however, citing exceptional luck when gambling, increased libido, and an aching desire to experience the beauty of Utah’s National Parks. A causal relationship between these phenomena has yet to be determined, probably because it's just a coincidence.

In conclusion, the river is perfectly safe for cooking, splashing, distilling, spitting, boiling, and several other aquatic activities. Would an Impostor be safe for aquatic activities? Didn't think so. Please do not be concerned about the "Colorado River."