Zoey Kirchner/IF-73.538

Personality

Zoey is highly competitive and known for her stage persona of being a dramatic, overconfident hotheaded. Kirchner can often be seen mocking the opposing batters, bragging that she's number one, or mocking her teammates for failing to live up to her standard. In between innings, Kirchner can occasionally be found worrying about her teammates' feelings and apologizing preemptively in case she goes too far.

Kirchner has a playful rivalry with every player on her team simultaneously due to her competitive streak. "Zero stars Zoey", according to one Lady Matsuyama, is "the worst pitcher ever to grace the league. So bad you don't understand. Don't even bother looking at her stats - absolutely awful. It's all lies." When asked about this comment, Zoey smiled and responded "Please. I outpitch all of them combined," walking off with an evil cackle.

After Season 13, she has adopted Evelton McBlase II as a "henchman" to aid with "definitely super evil jerk things. I deserve a henchman for being so evil."

While on the field, Kirchner's rude mannerisms know no bounds, including littering on the field, spitting gum, double-parking, loitering under "no loitering" signs, stealing snacks to replace them with non-moldy ones, and making faces at players when their backs are turned. Some fans claim to have seen Kirchner sneaking into the Core Pillars after hours to clean this litter up, however Kirchner denies these rumors.

Acidic Body

Kirchner's body is acidic, causing many untreated materials such as blaseballs to dissolve on contact. Kirchner uses custom chemical-resistant equipment such as gloves and a fiberglass mitt designed by Shirai McElroy on the field.

When Kirchner wins a game, the Mechanics have a tradition of dunking themselves in acid proofing and running onto the pitch to give a celebratory hug. However, this rarely happens, as Zoey Kirchner is objectively a terrible pitcher ^{[citation needed]}.

Hobbies

Kirchner claims to live purely for the splort, thriving off their natural talent. However, she can be seen spending long hours practicing after every game to alleviate worries of disappointing fans.

Kirchner is a hobby sculptor, using their acidic arms to cut through materials like stone with ease. Kirchner has also been deeply involved with historical preservation of the Core and the Pillars stadium. Kirchner has spearheaded several public works projects and has been personally involved with the restoration of several pieces that were thought to be lost or irreparable. Kirchner insists that she's "only interested for tax purposes. I hate art," however, Kirchner has demonstrably never paid any taxes in her life.