Holden Stanton
Holden Stanton is a lineup player for the Breckenridge Jazz Hands. Stanton has been with the Jazz Hands since Season 4, when the Baltimore Crabs won the Headhunter blessing and exchanged Stanton for Nagomi Mcdaniel. Stanton previously played for the Baltimore Crabs starting on Season 2, Day ██ after replacing Nora Perez due to incineration.
Official League Records
Stanton currently has no notable records in the official league books.
COMMUNITY REPORTSThe remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
Early Life
Stanton was born on the side of the 417 Highway in Ontario between Toronto and Ottawa. During labour, Stanton's progenitor was brought to an abandoned farmstead which they would later buy, renovate, and reopen. To this day, the Happy Mayonnaise Made From Cows And Not From Anyone Or Anything Else We Promise farming empire’s original farm has a sign in their front yard detailing the circumstances of Stanton's birth, as well as Stanton's claim to fame as a player for the Crabs Jazz Hands. At age 12, Stanton's face spontaneously ignited while playing on the roof of the original Happy Mayonnaise Made From Cows And Not From Anyone Or Anything Else We Promise farmstead. Stanton's sire made an 11 foot vertical leap from the porch to the roof, but was not able to reach his child in time to entirely prevent damage. As such, Stanton's lower face was replaced with Happy Mayonnaise Made From Cows And Not From Anyone Or Anything Else We Promise-branded paraphernalia.
Mid-life
Stanton went to the Modesto Junior Collegiate to study. Modesto Junior Collegiate claims to have no record of Stanton aside from perfect report cards, indicating an idyllic life during that time. However, further investigation has uncovered one record of a lawsuit in ████, wherein the Modesto Junior Collegiate sued Stanton for property damage. The claim laid forwards by the Modesto Junior Collegiate legal team asserted that Stanton had destroyed the Collegiate Library's entire B3 flight of concrete stairs, from floor 11 all the way to Basement-12. Stanton, upon falling skull-first down the stairs, was said to have irreparably shattered each stair. The lawsuit was never brought to court, and a settlement fee of $5.00 was paid out to the Modesto Junior Collegiate on behalf of the Happy Mayonnaise Made From Cows And Not From Anyone Or Anything Else We Promise farming empire.
Career
Stanton was a player for the Baltimore Crabs. Upon Stanton's joining of the Crabs, the Happy Mayonnaise Made From Cows And Not From Anyone Or Anything Else We Promise paraphernalia making up Stanton's lower face was spontaneously changed to be Old Bay branded. Stanton is on record saying "I Miss Nora" during the final game of Season 2, which is remarkable as this is the only known instance in which Stanton, through interaction with the environment or through vocalization, has ever made an audible sound. During the offseason of Season 3, the Crabs won the Headhunter blessing and traded Stanton for Nagomi Mcdaniel of the Breckenridge Jazz Hands for Season 4.
In Literature
Crabs Poet Laureate Runolfio Peeper wrote the following farewell to Holden:
Of Holden, there was seldom much to say
Until the Blaseball Gods sent him away
Now Crabs will miss watching our good friend play
He’s left the Crabitat for Jazzy Hands.
His humble origin was Mayonnaise
Misfortune conquered, Blaseball fills his days
He swapped his jaw out for a can of ‘Bays
Before departing for the mountain lands.
And of the trade, objections have been raised
The Great Mcdaniels has been ever praised
But Breckenridge will soon be quite amazed
As love for Holden burgeons in its stands.
Cheers
- "Hold on, Holden!"
