Difference between revisions of "Holden Stanton"

Revision as of 21:45, 9 August 2020

Holden Stanton is a lineup player for the Breckenridge Jazz Hands. Stanton has been with the Jazz Hands since Season 4, when the Baltimore Crabs won the Headhunter blessing and exchanged Stanton for Nagomi Mcdaniel. Stanton previously played for the Baltimore Crabs starting on Season 2, Day ██ after replacing Nora Perez due to incineration.

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Early Life

Stanton was born on the side of the 417 Highway in Ontario between Toronto and Ottawa. During labour, Stanton's progenitor was brought to an abandoned farmstead which they would later buy, renovate, and reopen. To this day, the Happy Mayonnaise Made From Cows And Not From Anyone Or Anything Else We Promise farming empire’s original farm has a sign in their front yard detailing the circumstances of Stanton's birth, as well as Stanton's claim to fame as a player for the ~~Crabs~~ Jazz Hands. At age 12, Stanton's face spontaneously ignited while playing on the roof of the original Happy Mayonnaise Made From Cows And Not From Anyone Or Anything Else We Promise farmstead. Stanton's sire made an 11 foot vertical leap from the porch to the roof, but was not able to reach his child in time to entirely prevent damage. As such, Stanton's lower face was replaced with Happy Mayonnaise Made From Cows And Not From Anyone Or Anything Else We Promise-branded paraphernalia.

Mid-life

Stanton went to the Modesto Junior Collegiate to study. Modesto Junior Collegiate claims to have no record of Stanton aside from perfect report cards, indicating an idyllic life during that time. However, further investigation has uncovered one record of a lawsuit in ████, wherein the Modesto Junior Collegiate sued Stanton for property damage. The claim laid forwards by the Modesto Junior Collegiate legal team asserted that Stanton had destroyed the Collegiate Library's entire B3 flight of concrete stairs, from floor 11 all the way to Basement-12. Stanton, upon falling skull-first down the stairs, was said to have irreparably shattered each stair. The lawsuit was never brought to court, and a settlement fee of $5.00 was paid out to the Modesto Junior Collegiate on behalf of the Happy Mayonnaise Made From Cows And Not From Anyone Or Anything Else We Promise farming empire.

Career

Stanton was a player for the Baltimore Crabs. Upon Stanton's joining of the Crabs, the Happy Mayonnaise Made From Cows And Not From Anyone Or Anything Else We Promise paraphernalia making up Stanton's lower face was spontaneously changed to be Old Bay branded. Stanton is on record saying "I Miss Nora" during the final game of Season 2, which is remarkable as this is the only known instance in which Stanton, through interaction with the environment or through vocalization, has ever made an audible sound. During the offseason of Season 3, the Crabs won the Headhunter blessing and traded Stanton for Nagomi Mcdaniel of the Breckenridge Jazz Hands for Season 4.

Cheers

"Hold on, Holden!"

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
-{{Player|team=[[Breckenridge Jazz Hands]]|status=Intact, Alive|rating=★1/2|pronouns=None|image1=[[Holden Stanton.png]]|caption1=Tlopps Card Credit to The Dice (@system_dice)}}
+{{Player|team=[[Breckenridge Jazz Hands]]|status=Alive|rating=★1/2|pronouns=None|image1=[[Holden Stanton.png]]|caption1=Tlopps Card Credit to The Dice (@system_dice)}}
+'''Holden Stanton''' is a lineup player for the [[Breckenridge Jazz Hands]]. Stanton has been with the Jazz Hands since [[Season 4]], when the [[Baltimore Crabs]] won the [[Season 3#Blessings 2 | '''Headhunter''' blessing]] and exchanged Stanton for [[Nagomi Mcdaniel]]. Stanton previously played for the Baltimore Crabs starting on [[Season 2]], Day ██ after replacing [[Nora Perez]] due to incineration.
+{{Community Lore}}
 == Early Life ==
-Holden Stanton was born on the side of the 417 Highway in Ontario between Toronto and Ottawa. During labour, Holden's progenitor was brought to an abandoned farmstead which they would later buy, renovate, and reopen. To this day, the [[Happy Mayonnaise Made From Cows And Not From Anyone Or Anything Else We Promise|''Happy Mayonnaise Made From Cows And Not From Anyone Or Anything Else We Promise'']] Farming Empire’s original farm has a sign in their front yard detailing the circumstances of Holden Stanton's birth, as well as their claim to fame as a player for the [[Baltimore Crabs]]. At age 12, Holden Stanton's face spontaneously ignited while playing on the roof of the original [[Happy Mayonnaise Made From Cows And Not From Anyone Or Anything Else We Promise|''Happy Mayonnaise Made From Cows And Not From Anyone Or Anything Else We Promise'']] farmstead. Holden's sire made an 11 foot vertical leap from the porch to the roof, but was not able to reach his child in time to entirely prevent damage. As such, Holden Stanton's lower face was replaced with [[Happy Mayonnaise Made From Cows And Not From Anyone Or Anything Else We Promise|''Happy Mayonnaise Made From Cows And Not From Anyone Or Anything Else We Promise'']] branded paraphernalia.
+Stanton was born on the side of the 417 Highway in Ontario between Toronto and Ottawa. During labour, Stanton's progenitor was brought to an abandoned farmstead which they would later buy, renovate, and reopen. To this day, the [[Happy Mayonnaise Made From Cows And Not From Anyone Or Anything Else We Promise]] farming empire’s original farm has a sign in their front yard detailing the circumstances of Stanton's birth, as well as Stanton's claim to fame as a player for the <s>Crabs</s> Jazz Hands. At age 12, Stanton's face spontaneously ignited while playing on the roof of the original Happy Mayonnaise Made From Cows And Not From Anyone Or Anything Else We Promise farmstead. Stanton's sire made an 11 foot vertical leap from the porch to the roof, but was not able to reach his child in time to entirely prevent damage. As such, Stanton's lower face was replaced with Happy Mayonnaise Made From Cows And Not From Anyone Or Anything Else We Promise-branded paraphernalia.
 == Mid-life ==
-Holden Stanton went to the [[Modesto Junior Collegiate]] to study. [[Modesto Junior Collegiate]] claims to have no record of Holden Stanton aside from perfect report cards, indicating an idyllic life during that time. However, further investigation has uncovered one record of a lawsuit in XXXX, where the [[Modesto Junior Collegiate]] sued Holden for property damage. The claim laid forwards by the [[Modesto Junior Collegiate]]'s legal team asserted that Holden had destroyed the Collegiate Library's entire B3 flight of concrete stairs, from floor 11 all the way to Basement-12. Holden Stanton, upon falling skull-first down the stairs, was said to have irreparably shattered each stair. The lawsuit was never brought to court, and a settlement fee of $5.00 was paid out to the [[Modesto Junior Collegiate]] on behalf of the [[Happy Mayonnaise Made From Cows And Not From Anyone Or Anything Else We Promise|''Happy Mayonnaise Made From Cows And Not From Anyone Or Anything Else We Promise'']] Farming Empire.
+Stanton went to the [[Modesto Junior Collegiate]] to study. Modesto Junior Collegiate claims to have no record of Stanton aside from perfect report cards, indicating an idyllic life during that time. However, further investigation has uncovered one record of a lawsuit in ████, wherein the Modesto Junior Collegiate sued Stanton for property damage. The claim laid forwards by the Modesto Junior Collegiate legal team asserted that Stanton had destroyed the Collegiate Library's entire B3 flight of concrete stairs, from floor 11 all the way to Basement-12. Stanton, upon falling skull-first down the stairs, was said to have irreparably shattered each stair. The lawsuit was never brought to court, and a settlement fee of $5.00 was paid out to the Modesto Junior Collegiate on behalf of the Happy Mayonnaise Made From Cows And Not From Anyone Or Anything Else We Promise farming empire.
 == Career ==
-Holden Stanton is a player for the [[Baltimore Crabs]]. Upon Holden's joining of the [[Baltimore Crabs]], the [[Happy Mayonnaise Made From Cows And Not From Anyone Or Anything Else We Promise|''Happy Mayonnaise Made From Cows And Not From Anyone Or Anything Else We Promise'']] paraphernalia making up Holden's lower face was spontaneously changed to be Old Bay branded. Holden Stanton is on record saying "I Miss Nora" during the final game of [[Season 2]], which is remarkable as this is the only known instance in which Holden Stanton, through interaction with the environment or through vocalization, has ever made an audible sound.
+Stanton was a player for the Baltimore Crabs. Upon Stanton's joining of the Crabs, the Happy Mayonnaise Made From Cows And Not From Anyone Or Anything Else We Promise paraphernalia making up Stanton's lower face was spontaneously changed to be Old Bay branded. Stanton is on record saying "I Miss Nora" during the final game of [[Season 2]], which is remarkable as this is the only known instance in which Stanton, through interaction with the environment or through vocalization, has ever made an audible sound. During the offseason of [[Season 3]], the Crabs won the '''Headhunter''' blessing and traded Stanton for Nagomi Mcdaniel of the Breckenridge Jazz Hands for Season 4.
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 [[Category:Players]]
-[[Category:Baltimore Crabs]]
+[[Category:Breckenridge Jazz Hands]]
 [[Category:Players Who Replaced an Incinerated Player]]