Famous Owens/Rumor Registry
Famous Owens has 21 Rumors written so far.
Rumors
Famous Owens is the heir to the Famous Amors Cookie empire. Owens became a blaseball player as an act of rebellion against the crushing familial expectations and obligations associated with this position.
Famous Owens was born in an attempt to create the perfect celebrity. The scientists involved are still debating whether the experiment was a resounding failure or if it succeeded and is proof that blaseball is truly perfect as well.
Famous Owens, despite their name, was a completely and utterly unremarkable individual before becoming a blaseball player. They have an entirely average and normal appearance and no notable personality traits.
Since joining the Tigers, Owens has had a performance record.
Famous Owens has “wholesome boomer vibes.” They’re quite clueless with technology and not down with the lingo of the Kids These Days, but they’re incredibly supportive to their team and family.
Owens notoriously struggles when pitching against Hellmouth Sunbeams batter Emmett Internet.
People can’t quite put their finger on it, but they’ve seen Famous Owens somewhere before. Some see Owens in dreams, while others see them in the mirror when they don’t recognise themselves. Owens’ visage is said to be good luck if a person sees them while looking in the reflection of water. Others say the image draws the vain towards their own watery demise.
Famous Owens is an instance of Famous Owens. Other instances have been reported (though not confirmed) in various physical and societal positions across Hades, including a small claims court judge, a ███████ player, three seats over at a bar, a loiterer on a street corner and right behind Famous Owens. All instances are united in the fact that they can’t be found once the relevant context ends. As such, Famous Owens is currently considered an unsolved problem in physics.
Famous Owens is an Other that wears many stolen faces and has the uncanny ability to make it feel like you've seen them somewhere before. Little is known about them outside of their blaseball career.
The owners of the faces Owens has stolen have yet to be identified. Owens insists they were stolen, but assures us it was “completely justified.”
When pitching, Owens will often assume a face the batter thinks they recognize in order to throw them off. This technique has proven very effective.
Famous Owens was a licensed private investigator before joining the Tigers and has an office in Hades with “Owens, PI” on the front door in peeling gold letters. Owens’s detective firm has listings in the Red Papers under “detective,” “private investigator,” and “trouble.”
Famous Owens has, notably, only ever solved one case.
A self-written novelization titled “The Famous Case” sold at auction in XX20, and publication is expected in XX23.
Famous Owens knows a guy. Regardless of what you’re asking for, how hard it would be, or how quickly it has to happen, Owens knows a guy who can help, for a price you’ll begrudgingly accept.
For straightforward requests guys Owens knows will usually just ask for money. For more esoteric requests, Owens knows more esoteric guys. Those who have asked for his help report being asked to trade things such as valuable items, stars, shoes, teeth, or precious memories. Whatever the cost, guys Owens knows have never failed to deliver.
Famous Owens is a team of veteran blaseball players sharing control of a single homunculus. Famous Owens are selected from across the multiverse for their high Wins Above Replacement, and the average of their inputs is taken and used to determine the actions of the homunculus, resulting in optimum blaseball performance.
To create Famous Owens, Dr. Pecota collaborated with her own interdimensional counterparts. She remains responsible for maintaining and disseminating a database of all 2,492,059,101 Owens comprising the team.
No one can remember Famous Owens before they joined the Tigers, In fact, management claims they don't even remember hiring them. One thing is for sure though, everyone who meets Owens immediately recognizes them as being famous.
Fans are often heard saying things like, "You know, they're from that thing! The show with the other guy? No wait, that was someone else."
It is rumored that Famous Owens' has three "arms." However, this has not been confirmed as there are no known photos, artist depictions, or effigies of Owens.
Famous Owens is strangely familiar. They have your grandfather’s hands, your best friend’s laugh and the effortlessly attractive tousled hair of your first high school crush. They have the nervous tic you noticed on a stranger last week, the nod that your barkeep gives you, the soothing voice of the kind lecturer whose classes you couldn’t stop dozing off in.
Owens denies there is anything untoward about their appearance. When questioned, they say they “just have one of those faces, I guess.”
Of course, all that matters to Tigers fans is that Owens has a throwing arm unlike anyone you know.
Famous Owens was once a chain of protein-packed chicken restaurants in Hades. The restaurant catered to many of the fallen heroes and warriors of Hades, serving the most protein-packed chicken in Hades and in the world above. That was, until the staff decided to unionize. Right as they were transitioning to becoming a worker-owned business, they were struck by a flood of water from the river Styx, trapping them inside their establishments. The only thing to survive was the mascot of Famous Owens, an incredibly buff chicken with black feathers and glowing red eyes, that is piloted by the spirits of the restaurant. Owens joined the Tigers in hope of raising enough funds to restart the chain some day.
Owens may not be the strongest of the Tigers pitching staff, but he does look the strongest.
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