Dark Seattle
COMMUNITY REPORTSThe remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
Fragment From The Annals of The Last Godslayer
. . . And it did come to pass that in its final moments, the Burning God did see its time run out, like sand passing through open fingers.
The triumphant arrow, let out by The Last Godslayer, Killer of Fire, did strike through the incandescence, plunging deep within. Its mighty barb did pierce the other side.
As it bled, the God did shed tears of fire and let out howls of ash. It was to no avail, there would be no mercy.
In its last halting gasp of life, the Raging Inferno did spit out a curse upon The Last Godslayer, that she may know "Peace and Prosperity" in the Darkness she had wrought. . .
- Author Unknown
]
Dark Seattle is the Mirror World counterpart to the city of Seattle. While initially pleasant enough on a very cursory inspection, the inherent wrongness of the city become apparent very quickly. Collected on this page are a number of facts and rumors held to be true by Garages players and fans.
- The Cursed mirror-image of the true Seattle, it’s pleasant, sunny demeanor belies the horror of it’s clean, sterile and stupefyingly boring existence as the hellscape of Corporate living that the Shadow Roadies escape to the Garages Stadium from.
- All the food and restaurants there are chain stores, ‘quirky’ gentrified cafes or Starbucks. Everything is White People Spicy and is always served with Mayonnaise.
- The only exception to this is Karen’s, located where Beth’s would be in the real Seattle. It is staffed by Karen’s. It serves Karen’s. It is frequented by Karens. Should you enter, there will be no escape as they leech your life force with the incoherent screeching for your manager.
- The Blaseball team is a corporate-sponsored and controlled entity, market researched into absolute obscurity as the faces and names and actions of it’s players all blend into one another. The fans never cheer and it is forever silent in it’s pristine, teeth-white stadium. They are called the Dark Seattle Corporates. Their franchise player is Homerun Eric (He is the only player with merchandise licensed)
- It’s not Coffee It never was Coffee It can Never Be Coffee IT WILL NEVER BE COFFEE.
- Rumor has it, Seattle Garage’s player Arturo Huerta is originally from Dark Seattle, but nobody can remember for sure if that is true
- The Gum Wall was originally a portal to Dark Seattle. If you scrape the gum off, you can walk into Dark Seattle. But you shouldn’t do that… because gates work both ways.
- The Corporates also have Jaylen Memorial Hotdogs, had them for years. Unrelated, no one has ever seen Jaylen's Dark Seattle alt ever, but they still collect a paycheck. They apparently work in the Donations department.
- Dark Seattle doesn’t have any music (it is illegal to play music in Dark Seattle), except for the licensed disc of what they call music by star player Homerun Eric. It is made of incoherent sounds and it has maximum marketability. Listening to it gives you an inexplicable urge to buy merchandise of Homerun Eric and tell more people about the disc. The urge lasts until you hear real music. The disc is also in a pay per remember service, deducting money from one’s account each time they try to recall its copyrighted contents.
