Coolname Galvanic/IF-50.307

Rumor / Community Lore
This article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community. It is just one of many Rumors that we've found in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill. You can find more Rumors about Coolname Galvanic at their Rumor Registry.

Background

Coolname Galvanic is something of an enigma even to their teammates. Galvanic is happy to play up to this air of mystery with their ever-present sunglasses, often archaic speech patterns and occasional lapses into a dubious Romanian accent.

Given their pale skin, white hair and aversion to sunlight - using Factor 250 sun lotion even on overcast days - it is widely supposed that Galvanic has albinism. Some within the splort whisper of something more sinister. In low light a red glow is seen to spill out from behind Galvanic's sunglasses. It is possible that they were once an umpire?

This rumour stems from a simple misheard aside. Galvanic is not "an umpire", present or former, but a namepire.

Namepires (also "nompyrs") are an ancient line of beings who feed upon the personal nouns of their unsuspecting victims, leeching onomastic energy from monikers, handles and soubriquets. In extremis a namepire may completely consume a high-energy name like "Midori Stegosaurus" or "Fingerguns McGee", leaving the previous owner forever nameless or labouring under a low-energy name such as "Debbie".

It is easy to see why beings with this hunger would be drawn to Blaseball, but Galvanic is only the second confirmed namepire to have played the splort. Sweetname Voltaic spent three seasons with The Centreville Blaseball Team, by the end of which 70% of players in the division were listed as "Dave Smith". Galvanic, however, claims to represent a new, socially-responsible movement within the namepire community. These younger namepires choose to graze sustainably on the neural impulses of nearby individuals, leaving their targets temporarily unable to recall the name of a familiar person but otherwise unharmed.

This restraint does not prevent Galvanic from trying on extravagant names for size. They have an equally flamboyant dress sense, with a preference for aloha shirts and broad-brimmed hats, and are reportedly a fan of country singer Porter Wagoner. Coolname Galvanic is part of the "Brokyo" clique alongside teammates Grollis Zephyr, Yusef Fenestrate, the time-traveller and that pitcher with all the swords. You know who I mean.