Coolname Galvanic/IF-50.307

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Rumor / Community Lore
This article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community. It is just one of many Rumors that we've found in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill. You can find more Rumors about Coolname Galvanic at their Rumor Registry.


Coolname Galvanic is something of an enigma even to their teammates. Galvanic is happy to play up to this air of mystery with their ever-present sunglasses, often archaic speech patterns and occasional lapses into a dubious Romanian accent.

Given their pale skin, white hair and aversion to sunlight - using Factor 250 sun lotion even on overcast days - it is widely supposed that Galvanic has albinism. Some within the splort whisper of something more sinister. In low light a red glow is seen to spill out from behind Galvanic's sunglasses. It is possible that they were once an umpire?

This rumour stems from a simple misheard aside. Galvanic is not "an umpire", present or former, but a namepire.

Namepires (also "nompyrs") are an ancient line of beings who feed upon the personal nouns of their unsuspecting victims, leeching onomastic energy from monikers, handles and soubriquets. In extremis a namepire may completely consume a high-energy name like "Midori Stegosaurus" or "Fingerguns McGee", leaving the previous owner forever nameless or labouring under a low-energy name such as "Debbie".

It is easy to see why beings with this hunger would be drawn to Blaseball, but Galvanic is only the second confirmed namepire to have played the splort. Sweetname Voltaic spent three seasons with The Centreville Blaseball Team, by the end of which 70% of players in the division were listed as "Dave Smith".

Galvanic, however, claims to represent a new, socially-responsible movement within the namepire community. These younger namepires choose to graze sustainably on the neural impulses of nearby individuals, leaving their targets temporarily unable to recall the name of a familiar person but otherwise unharmed. This restraint does not prevent Galvanic from trying on extravagant names for size.

On the Tokyo Lift

Galvanic’s first friendship on the team was with Gerund Pantheocide, who was fascinated by Galvanic’s life as a namepire. Through Pantheocide, it made friends with the rest of the team, most notably the “Brokyo” clique alongside Pantheocide, Yusef Fenestrate, the Lazarus Pit steward, and that time traveler guy.

After several consecutive seasons as a pitcher (and gaining a reputation as a “bet-breaker” for fans who bet against it), Galvanic was sent to the Shadows via Fax Machine. Galvanic, who deals with hypermobility, expressed relief about taking a break and letting its joints recover. The break was short-lived, and a week later it joined the team’s lineup via Voicemail. Galvanic was reportedly excited to meet more players and learn more names.


Galvanic, on first glance (and indeed on most glances) is human. It has Marfan syndrome, meaning that it is tall, skinny, and has hypermobile joints; it’s also Albino and is very pale. Galvanic wears eclectic clothing, preferring long sleeves, long pants, broad-brimmed sunhats, and gloves. Whether those clothing items form a cohesive outfit depends on the day. It typically wears its own clothing instead of a Lift uniform, and the uniform it does wear uses natural fibers rather than synthetic, due to a sensitivity.

Personal Life

Galvanic is Japanese and resistant to the idea of gender; in English it uses it/its pronouns, and in Japanese it prefers an informal conversational style and refers to itself with orae/omae pronouns. Galvanic is also autistic, and has sensitivities to texture (particularly clothing and food) and physical touch.

For several decades Galvanic has lived with teammate Yusef Fenestrate. The two went on a singular date to a local Costco before realizing they were both aromantic, and breaking up amicably in favor of being close friends. Fenestrate is one of few allowed to touch Galvanic, and Galvanic has converted to Islam after living with Fenestrate.

Galvanic is reportedly a fan of country singer Porter Wagoner. It enjoys aquatic sports, including swimming and water polo, and has been trying to make an aquatic sport of its own, to mixed results.