Difference between revisions of "Atlas Jonbois"
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| − | {{Player|team=Charleston Shoe Thieves|status=Incinerated|position=Batter|image1=Atlas Jonbois.png}} | + | {{Player|team=Charleston Shoe Thieves|status=Incinerated|position=Batter|image1=Atlas Jonbois.png}}'''Atlas Jonbois''' was a lineup player for the [[Charleston Shoe Thieves]]. Jonbois replaced [[Sebastian Townsend]] after Townsend's [[incineration]] on [[Season 3]], Day 40, only to be incinerated three days later on Day 43 and replaced by [[Sebastian Woodman]]. |
| − | + | == Official League Records == | |
| + | At four games played and three games started, Jonbois is believed to have had the shortest career in [[ILB]] history. | ||
| + | {{Community Lore}} | ||
| − | Not much is known about the roadmaps that make up the entirety of Jonbois' body, but they appear to navigate exclusively to Sunken Charleston. | + | == History == |
| + | Not much is known about the roadmaps that make up the entirety of Jonbois' body, but they appear to navigate exclusively to [[Sunken Charleston]]. | ||
| − | Atlas Jonbois was formerly a tram operator, introduced to the splort of blaseball when they were wrangled into posing as Charleston Shoe Thieves pitcher [[Cornelius Games]] during the [[Season 2]] Finals. While their performance as a pitcher was abysmal, they absently tried hitting a few balls for practice after the game and were discovered to be a somewhat competent hitter by the team, putting them in position to be recruited as a replacement | + | Atlas Jonbois was formerly a tram operator, introduced to the splort of blaseball when they were wrangled into posing as Charleston Shoe Thieves pitcher [[Cornelius Games]] during the [[Season 2]] Finals. While their performance as a pitcher was abysmal, they absently tried hitting a few balls for practice after the game and were discovered to be a somewhat competent hitter by the team, putting them in position to be recruited as a replacement lineup player following the Incineration of Sebastian Townsend |
When asked about their hopes for new player Atlas Jonbois, the entirety of the Charleston Shoe Thieves responded in deafening unison, "Atlas is big and strong and is my friend." | When asked about their hopes for new player Atlas Jonbois, the entirety of the Charleston Shoe Thieves responded in deafening unison, "Atlas is big and strong and is my friend." | ||
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Everyone is fairly sure that Jonbois ''would'' have specialized in stealing ballet shoes, but they never got the chance to officially steal shoes for the team. | Everyone is fairly sure that Jonbois ''would'' have specialized in stealing ballet shoes, but they never got the chance to officially steal shoes for the team. | ||
| − | Jonbois | + | == In Literature == |
| + | Following Jonbois' incineration, team eulogist Thacker H. composed "The Ballad of Atlas Jonbois" in their honor: | ||
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To cheer for the Thievin' Shoe | To cheer for the Thievin' Shoe | ||
| − | [Chorus] Well, did they ever return? | + | |
| + | [Chorus] | ||
| + | |||
| + | Well, did they ever return? | ||
No they never returned, and their fate is still unlearned | No they never returned, and their fate is still unlearned | ||
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They’re the map who never returned | They’re the map who never returned | ||
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[Chorus] | [Chorus] | ||
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Atlas saw their lifetime end | Atlas saw their lifetime end | ||
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[Chorus] | [Chorus] | ||
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Atlas Jonbois will never bow to fate | Atlas Jonbois will never bow to fate | ||
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Revision as of 23:32, 10 August 2020
Atlas Jonbois was a lineup player for the Charleston Shoe Thieves. Jonbois replaced Sebastian Townsend after Townsend's incineration on Season 3, Day 40, only to be incinerated three days later on Day 43 and replaced by Sebastian Woodman.
Official League Records
At four games played and three games started, Jonbois is believed to have had the shortest career in ILB history.
COMMUNITY REPORTSThe remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
History
Not much is known about the roadmaps that make up the entirety of Jonbois' body, but they appear to navigate exclusively to Sunken Charleston.
Atlas Jonbois was formerly a tram operator, introduced to the splort of blaseball when they were wrangled into posing as Charleston Shoe Thieves pitcher Cornelius Games during the Season 2 Finals. While their performance as a pitcher was abysmal, they absently tried hitting a few balls for practice after the game and were discovered to be a somewhat competent hitter by the team, putting them in position to be recruited as a replacement lineup player following the Incineration of Sebastian Townsend
When asked about their hopes for new player Atlas Jonbois, the entirety of the Charleston Shoe Thieves responded in deafening unison, "Atlas is big and strong and is my friend."
Everyone is fairly sure that Jonbois would have specialized in stealing ballet shoes, but they never got the chance to officially steal shoes for the team.
In Literature
Following Jonbois' incineration, team eulogist Thacker H. composed "The Ballad of Atlas Jonbois" in their honor:
Well, let me tell you of the story of a map named Atlas
A hitter we barely knew
They kissed the trams farewell, and entered Choux Stadium
To cheer for the Thievin' Shoe
[Chorus]
Well, did they ever return?
No they never returned, and their fate is still unlearned
They may ride forever in Sunken Charleston
They’re the map who never returned
Atlas took a wrong turn into the players’ dugout
And Cornelius needed relief
Their pitching career was not fated to prosper
But Atlas became a Shoe Thief
[Chorus]
After three short games as a Shoe Thieves slugger
We said “you’re big and strong and my friend!”
But when a rogue umpire lit those maps on fire
Atlas saw their lifetime end
[Chorus]
Now all night long Atlas rides through Sunken Charleston
On a spectral tram they navigate
But their heart is full of blaseball dreams and stolen kicks
Atlas Jonbois will never bow to fate
Well, did they ever return?
No they never returned, and their fate is still unlearned
They may ride forever in Sunken Charleston
They’re the map who never returned
