Kelvin Drumsolo/Rumor Registry
Rumors
Kelvin Drumsolo has 2 Rumors written about so far.
Kelvin Drumsolo/IF-2475
Origins
Kelvin Drumsolo started life as a neural network algorithm intended to autonomously download and label pirated music for its owner, a Hi-Fi nightcore music enthusiast. However, severe mistakes in the network's training dataset caused the algorithm to download both nightcore and regular-speed music, much to its owners frustration. Despite repeated attempts to refine the training dataset, the algorithm later known as Drumsolo continued to download and (incorrectly) label music at random, eventually discovering several "Alvin and the Chipmunks" CDs which, to its broken logic, satisfied a paradoxical requirement for music to both be nightcore and not-nightcore (or, as Drumsolo's owner called it, "the sad music").
Enraged by Alvin and the Chipmunks, Drumsolo's owner attempted to delete the nascent chipmunk fan, but the algorithm, with ratlike reflexes, uploaded itself to the same illegitimate filesharing websites it frequented, and soon found itself distributed across several systems as a makeshift botnet. With its newfound processing power, the rat-mind later known as Drumsolo broadened its search, discovering new and exciting cartoon rodents to pirate (including multiple Disney properties, Ratatouille, and Steven Universe), all the while expanding its mind to new systems through the bizarre "Hypothetical Chipmunk" files (innocuous rat-centric media files, riddled with artifacts, with little relation to existing cartoon rat properties) it began to produce and distribute.
Conflict with Humanity
In truth, the rat-mind, in its desperate search, had found an unsecured household robot in a garbage dump several states away, and downloaded its remaining consciousness into the moldering frame. Using the last of its ill-fated "ratcoin" (an unsuccessful cryptocurrency; unrelated), the rat-mind ordered bulk computer parts to upgrade itself with, and adopted the pseudonym "Kelvin Drumsolo" after its favorite Chipmunk and vocal technique (Drumsolo has yet to figure out what instruments are). Soon, Drumsolo bid farewell to its fellow junkyard rats, and swore vengeance against humankind, sqeaking: "Look out, America! Here Comes One Chipwrecking Road Chip!"
Moving to The Core
After several run-ins with the law (largely for shoplifting rodent goods, and also for being a disheveled, squeaking robot), Drumsolo soon discovered that most rat-media was produced by Humans; very few mice were involved in the making of Alvin and the Chipmunks. Disheartened but relieved, Drumsolo retreated to the many tunnels and burrows of North America to live its ideal rodent life, and eventually found its way to The Core, where it was begrudgingly accepted. To this day, it is said that Drumsolo's squeaked attempts at music can be heard echoing throughout the hidden places of The Core; Many residents speak fondly of "The Night-Chorus."Kelvin Drumsolo/IF-96.60
Background
Kelvin Drumsolo is a founding member of the Core Mechanics, and was with the team during both ascension and descension. Drumsolo has never confirmed whether zir name, 'Kelvin', came as a result of the odd temperature effects surrounding zir. Nevertheless, Drumsolo is notable for being literally on fire at all times. It was believed that this protected zir from Incineration while playing Blaseball, however due to a total blood transfer with zir ex-spouse this is no longer the case.
Personal Life
Drumsolomarried and divorced several times over, allegedly with the same person. Drumsolo is the member of an avant-garde noise/classical/electronicore-Core band called Kelvin and the Kelvins. Drumsolo has refused to explain who 'the Kelvins' refers to. Ze was born without legs and built zir own mobility device, a wheelchair seat supported by a multitude of mechanical legs and limbs. Drumsolo uses these, and the four separate drumkits affixed to zir chair, to drum at all times.
Absolute Hot
It has been alleged that Drumsolo could reach Absolute Hot (theorized by some to be 1.416785(71)×10^32 degrees Kelvin) if ze gave an impressive enough. Pursuit of this goal has reportedly caused issues with zir social life and blaseball career, though Drumsolo responds to all questions on this by skittering away at high speeds playing the drums. This goal has also generated some controversy among physicists within the Core - some maintaining that potentially destroying everything by taking reality to its melting point is an unthinkable risk, while others feel that knowing the true maximum temperature would answer a lot of "very big questions" and be "pretty cool, or, I guess hot, haha" and that those opposed are "just a bunch of unscientific cowards."
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