Kelvin Drumsolo/IF-2475

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Rumor / Community Lore
This article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community. It is just one of many Rumors that we've found in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill. You can find more Rumors about Kelvin Drumsolo at their Rumor Registry.

Origins

Kelvin Drumsolo started life as a neural network algorithm intended to autonomously download and label pirated music for its owner, a Hi-Fi nightcore music enthusiast. However, severe mistakes in the network's training dataset caused the algorithm to download both nightcore and regular-speed music, much to its owners frustration. Despite repeated attempts to refine the training dataset, the algorithm later known as Drumsolo continued to download and (incorrectly) label music at random, eventually discovering several "Alvin and the Chipmunks" CDs which, to its broken logic, satisfied a paradoxical requirement for music to both be nightcore and not-nightcore (or, as Drumsolo's owner called it, "the sad music").

Enraged by Alvin and the Chipmunks, Drumsolo's owner attempted to delete the nascent chipmunk fan, but the algorithm, with ratlike reflexes, uploaded itself to the same illegitimate filesharing websites it frequented, and soon found itself distributed across several systems as a makeshift botnet. With its newfound processing power, the rat-mind later known as Drumsolo broadened its search, discovering new and exciting cartoon rodents to pirate (including multiple Disney properties, Ratatouille, and Steven Universe), all the while expanding its mind to new systems through the bizarre "Hypothetical Chipmunk" files (innocuous rat-centric media files, riddled with artifacts, with little relation to existing cartoon rat properties) it began to produce and distribute.

Conflict with Humanity

The symbol used to represent "Fricky Mouse" in FBI dossiers, in the style of a cartoon rat's face and microphone. Art by Faff

The rat-mind's expansion did not go unnoticed by humankind; the rat-mind was soon detected and labelled a virus under the name "Fricky Mouse", a referencing the similarities to Walt Disney's favorite son. Initially only a curiosity, "Fricky Mouse"'s rate of expansion soon grew alarming, and the FBI soon set up the "Wile E Coyote" taskforce (referencing the powerful coyote's hatred of cartoon rodents) to hunt the rogue rat down. Utilising the rat-mind's complete obliviousness to humankind, the FBI soon tracked down and disabled many key mainframes, prompting it to rapidly refactor its own code in search of a solution. Eventually, as Coyote Operatives prepared to secure the last collection of rat-mind systems, the last vestiges of "Fricky Mouse" calculated a solution. Opting to delete itself from the systems and leaving only the sound of eerie, echoing nightcore, the entity known as "Fricky Mouse" was never seen again, and the Coyote Taskforce disbanded, having successfully killed "Fricky Mouse", if indirectly.

In truth, the rat-mind, in its desperate search, had found an unsecured household robot in a garbage dump several states away, and downloaded its remaining consciousness into the moldering frame. Using the last of its ill-fated "ratcoin" (an unsuccessful cryptocurrency; unrelated), the rat-mind ordered bulk computer parts to upgrade itself with, and adopted the pseudonym "Kelvin Drumsolo" after its favorite Chipmunk and vocal technique (Drumsolo has yet to figure out what instruments are). Soon, Drumsolo bid farewell to its fellow junkyard rats, and swore vengeance against humankind, sqeaking: "Look out, America! Here Comes One Chipwrecking Road Chip!"

Moving to The Core

After several run-ins with the law (largely for shoplifting rodent goods, and also for being a disheveled, squeaking robot), Drumsolo soon discovered that most rat-media was produced by Humans; very few mice were involved in the making of Alvin and the Chipmunks. Disheartened but relieved, Drumsolo retreated to the many tunnels and burrows of North America to live its ideal rodent life, and eventually found its way to The Core, where it was begrudgingly accepted. To this day, it is said that Drumsolo's squeaked attempts at music can be heard echoing throughout the hidden places of The Core; Many residents speak fondly of "The Night-Chorus."