Gerund Pantheocide/IF-24.124

From Blaseball Wiki


Gerund Pantheocide was born into an isolated community in the southern Caucasus. The locals claim descent from an ancient warrior culture of the Pontic steppe, and seek to keep alive traditions such as horseback archery, squirrel-fur hats and god-slaying.

Like all the first-born daughters of her lineage, Pantheocide was trained from birth to kill any available gods by any available means. She spent years honing her body, her instincts and indeed her many swords for this single purpose. Sadly her legendary ancestors were so formidable that they had driven the region's deities to extinction by around 300BCE.

When she came of age Pantheocide was faced with a choice between leaving her homeland for new hunting grounds or, as her mother Participle strongly suggested, just dropping the whole god thing and retraining as a dental hygienist. Hearing stories of Blaseball, and of its teams' epic struggle against the Shelled One, she made the arduous journey across the breadth of Asia to join her nearest ILB team and thus realise her full potential. She was only mildly annoyed to find that they expected her to play Blaseball first.

With the Tokyo Lift

Pantheocide was skilled in the use of broadswords, longswords, shortswords, narrowswords, claymores, halberds, hatchets, pikes, Bohemian earspoons, kukris, clubs, mallets, bludgeons and blats. She nevertheless demanded assignment to the Lift’s pitching rotation in order to develop her skills in ranged combat. She said that it is "surprisingly difficult" to deliver a fastball while also carrying seven different melee weapons, but that "you gotta be prepared".

Upon settling in Tokyo she launched a YouTube channel specialising in weapon reviews, call-outs and god-killing tips for several hundred thousand avid subscribers. Her most-watched video is a twelve-hour sponsored Minecraft stream collecting funds for Japanese Blittle League teams (specifically: to equip them with leather armour, two-handed battleaxes and training mannequins in the shape of popular Hellenic deities). In a well-received vlog series she introduced fans to Frogslayer, a pet frog which she repeatedly referred to as "my moist-skinned god-killing apprentice". Pantheocide enjoyed the music of the Seattle Garages and wrote self-insertion Plercy Jlackson fic described by Ao3 users as "harrowing" and by Dilsney Publishing as "legally actionable".

The teenaged Pantheocide was an ardent and outspoken fan of godslaying Garages player Goodwin Morin. This made for awkward scenes when the latter joined the Lift for Season 14. Pantheocide was somewhat awestruck by the pitcher-turned batter, but managed to avoid asking for autographs and only occasionally replied to Morin's questions with the single word "squee".

At this point in her career Pantheocide had killed "nearly one" god but did once spray-paint the words nerd lol on a statue of Poseidon. She told her YouTube audience that the resulting fine and lifetime ban from every museum in Tokyo were "totally worth it". During her time with the Lift, Morin worked to broaden Pantheocide's focus from literally slaying literal gods to recognising and addressing injustices caused by entrenched power hierarchies. Perhaps appropriately, the older player's departure at the end of Season 16 left a gap in the lineup that Pantheocide now felt ready to fill. She spent the next four Seasons unchallenged as the Lift’s leading hitter.

As Lift captain

Following the incineration of captain Stijn Strongbody, Pantheocide and fellow batter Yusef Fenestrate took on co-captaincy duties. She described her management style as "gains-focussed, deicide-oriented". In Season 19 this partnership led the Lift to their first Internet Series title. In a brief but emotional address she dedicated the victory to Strongbody.

By Season 20 Pantheocide was one of the ILB’s most visible players and beginning to display abilities beyond rational explanation. On Day 13 she became the first player to defy the Baltimore Crabs' Carcinization, resisting the pull of a Black Hole apparently through sheer force of will before Shaming the hosts with a thunderous solo home run. She waved away her teammates' questions. "It's a gods thing," she told Fenestrate, "you guys wouldn’t understand."

In a mid-season post to her long-dormant YouTube channel, deleted soon afterwards, Pantheocide described a growing unease at her hero status. She had never planned to be an idol to so many people, she explained, and was still shaken by the Preservation of Goodwin Morin. Though she never spoke publicly on the matter, she was said to be especially troubled when the Lift were joined for Lateseason by a Replica version of her Legendary friend and mentor.

On Day 12 of Season 21 Pantheocide was incinerated by a rogue umpire. At her request there was no formal memorial. She is survived by Frogslayer III and an unrivalled collection of mid-budget melee weapons, lightly used.