UserWiki:NautALoid

using this to write out a draft for a weird rumor.

A Metaphysical Retcon

Before it joined blaseball as a pitcher for the Tokyo Lift, Coolname Galvanic did not exist. As a worker in the Field of Eggs, employed in monitoring the minutiae of the conditions necessary to irrigate the Naming Pool and properly form the Eggs, it had on occasion glimpsed its own name reflected in the platonic body of the Pool and knew that the egg containing its own name, its essence as a player, hadn’t yet been formed.

The entity that would become the memory of Coolname Galvanic, [insert position here] for the [insert team here], did not exist, and was not a blaseball player. It both was and was not, however, an employee for the Field Of Eggs, a memory not yet anchored in reality. And from what it understood from all the times it watched as the formless replacements of the recently incinerated emerged from eggs and metaphysically harden into individuals with histories extending far before their hatching, all to replace the fallen in playing blaseball for their lives, it was all but guaranteed to have been created for the same reason.

Everything experienced by the entity that would become Coolname Galvanic was, in its own nonexistent eyes, merely set-dressing to embellish a version of itself that was presumably being created at the same time as itself. It knew it did not exist, that it could not impact the world around it in any meaningful way until its Egg was Generated, Found, and Hatched to play Internet League Blaseball. All that was left was to play out its part as an ephemeral employee in the Field of Eggs until Coolname Galvanic entered active play.

A meeting of surnames

Just as it knew it rightly did not yet have a name, as the egg that generated that name had not yet formed, it also knew, as surely as anything, that it would be named Coolname Galvanic. So it was with mild interest that it one day to met a fellow League employee that would one day be known as Squid Galvanic. While Coolname was part of the Farm System, tied to the Field of Eggs in location and duty, Squid was a courier, constantly in motion as she ran messages across the League. The two became close, and Squid's adventures inspired Coolname to look beyond its own nonexistence in the Field of Eggs and strike out for new experiences, in Tokyo, which was at the time far from any blaseball teams.

It eventually would find itself living in a small apartment with another recent arrival to Tokyo, Yusef Fenestrate. The two hit it off, and the two lived together for a year before the entity that did not yet exist and was not a blaseball player or a Field of Eggs employee received news that Squid Galvanic had hatched as a playoff birth for the Baltimore Crabs. Around the same time, Fenestrate received an invitation from its former mentor to sign up for a new Blaseball team. In its efforts to walk away from its backstory, it entered the story exactly where it should be. Naturally, it signed up for the team.

Blaseball Career

Galvanic entered active play as the Lift's lowest-rated pitcher, with just 1.1 pitching stars. However, its incredibly ruthless playstyle would quickly set it apart from its peers even as it accumulated the most losses of the Lift's rotation: not by allowing the most runs, but allowing the fewest, triggering the least amount of Black Hole and Sun 2 events. The next season, it would enter the top of the leaderboards for strikeouts and walk percentage. notes:

• like it always knew it supposed to be The Best of the lift and it really internalized that even if it kept a kind of "i don't care if lift wins when i pitch, i'm just here for a good time" persona, once it got on the field, it always gave the games its all and as a pitcher, it could feel it had control over the field.
• the change out of the ruth meta was it finally meeting the limits of an uncomfortably human body, and the subsequent season was it trying to wrestle with the fact that even if it didn't feel anything like a human, it had to take more care of its physical self if it was to be of any use on the field (in the field of eggs worker irm this sense of "i need to give my all on the field at all times" could reflect its feelings that blaseball was "the only real thing" it could affect).
• its perfect game in the postseason of the meta change (lift championship upside down season) might be kind of a reflection on it seeing how far the lift made it not by doing the best, but by having a fun chaotic time and deciding to try pacing itself and following suit so it could give it its all in the moments that truly matter

Trivia

• Galvanic introduces itself differently to each person it meets. Notably, the names and titles it uses grow exponentially longer the more it dislikes its conversation partner.
• Galvanic's fashion is notably eclectic, and it has a large collection of crocs with removed straps. Many have speculated that it eats said croc straps like french fries, with wasabi.
• Galvanic is fascinated by laws and bureaucracy, often invoking them for its own gain while exploiting loopholes to escape consequences when it breaks the law.
• Mags Banananana introduced Galvanic to Minions memes, much to Galvanic's delight and the rest of the team's despair. After leaving the team, Banananana continues to print out and mail Minions memes to Galvanic and Fenestrate's apartment.

things to include in the entry

• personality: carefully cultivated persona of laid-back antipathy, unapproachable, rancid
• touch-repulsed autistic aroace
• Marfan syndrome
  • hypermobility, pain flareups, always carries a foldable cane on its person