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| − | {{Ballpark
| + | Excerpts from the notes of [[Uncle Plasma]] that, according to the professional interpretation of [[Kina Larsen]], are about The Spearmint: |
| − | |nickname=The Meadow
| + | <blockquote> |
| − | |team=[[Kansas City Breath Mints]]
| + | just got back from the parking lot. not doing that again |
| − | |flag=Loge
| + | </blockquote> |
| − | |renovation={{Modif|big buckets}}{{Modif|psychoacoustics}}{{Modif|crime scene}}
| + | <blockquote> |
| − | |image=
| + | took a sip of coffee. blood everywhere |
| − | |caption=
| + | </blockquote> |
| − | }}
| + | <blockquote> |
| − | The '''Kansas City FreshDome''' (also known as '''The Meadow''') is the home [[ballpark]] of the [[Kansas City Breath Mints]].
| + | the spearmint...nature’s most dangerous creature….gay? yes |
| − | | + | </blockquote> |
| − | __TOC__
| + | <blockquote> |
| − | == Official League Record ==
| + | haven’t seen my thousands of nieces nephews and niblings in a while |
| − | The Meadow was constructed in [[Season 13]]. Fans of the Breath Mints selected the '''Loge''' prefab, spending 908,592 coins.
| + | </blockquote> |
| − | | + | <blockquote> |
| − | During [[Latesiesta#Season_14|Season 14 construction]], fans of the Breath Mints selected the '''Big Buckets''' and '''PsychoAcoustics''' renovations. The selection of the PsychoAcoustics renovation resulted in the addition of [[Wyatt Mason XIII]] to the Breath Mints rotation, as part of the [[Second Wyatt Masoning]].
| + | eggs everywhere. hot and ready. Time to go |
| − | | + | </blockquote> |
| − | During the [[Season_14#Elections|Season 14 elections]], The Meadow received the '''Crime Scene''' modifier. This is currently under [[Investigation]].
| + | <blockquote> |
| − | <br> | + | the spearmint made out with natalie portman |
| − | {{Community Lore}}
| + | </blockquote> |
| − | == History of the FreshDome ==
| + | <blockquote> |
| − | The '''Kansas City FreshDome''' was the original ballpark of the Kansas City Breath Mints. With its retractable candy-striped roof and state-of-the-art air-mintening systems, the FreshDome was a technological marvel, built at a terrible cost to the people of Kansas City.
| + | wait nevermind. thinking of someone else |
| − | | + | </blockquote> |
| − | During [[Season 1]] of [[Internet League Blaseball]], the Dome attained sentience and began a passionate love affair with [[Boyfriend Monreal]]. When the star hitter sensed it was time for the Dome to move on and find itself, Monreal firmly but respectfully called it off. Their relationship soured and the team decided to move to an open meadow on the outskirts of town.
| + | <blockquote> |
| − | | + | it killed them. it killed them all. they're dead, every single one of them. and not just the men, but the women and the children too. they're like animals, and it slaughtered them like animals. |
| − | After clearing its head in the off-season, the Dome now has a great relationship with all of the Breath Mints, including the now-retired Monreal. However, it has no interest in returning to ball duty, preferring instead to focus on its poetry.
| + | </blockquote> |
| − | <br> | + | <blockquote> |
| − | <br> | + | issuing correction on a previous note of mine, regarding the spearmint. you do not, under any circumstances, "gotta hand it to them"<ref>https://twitter.com/dril/status/831805955402776576</ref> |
| − | == The Meadow ==
| + | </blockquote> |
| − | Nicknamed '''“The Meadow”''', the current home ballpark of the Kansas City Breath Mints is an open meadow on the outskirts of town. When asked for the name of the ballpark during the [[Expansion Era]], Breath Mints General Manager [[Max Betmint]] offered the name of the '''Kansas City FreshDome, for “Tax Purposes”'''. It is unclear what benefits exactly Betmint has gained from this, and so far seems only to have deeply confused Breath Mints fans.
| + | <blockquote> |
| − | | + | what the f{{Spoiler|mint}} is a Mintichlorian |
| − | Having no marked boundaries, determining home runs and foul balls in the open meadow is more of an exercise in divination than science. More than one splorts-fan has attempted to stretch the home field advantage by changing plot lines at the county recording office, so most games require at least one surveyor to be present.
| + | </blockquote> |
| − | | + | <blockquote> |
| − | The air in the open meadow on the outskirts of town is known for its rejuvenating properties. When [[Winnie Hess]] first filled her lungs with its minty exurban freshness after relocating from [[Crabs|Baltimore]], she immediately gained two-and-a-half stars of pitching ability.
| + | not safe. gotta goo |
| − | | + | </blockquote> |
| − | After suffering two player [[incineration|incinerations]] in [[Season 4]], fans placed a velvet victorian fainting couch between second and third base, should any player or splorts-fan need to fling themselves upon it out of grief. Following the incineration of [[Boyfriend Monreal]] in [[Season 7]], newcomer [[Pudge Nakamoto]] moved the couch into their home, located along the 4th base line, and offered the heartbroken a place to grieve in good company. Accounts of what has become of Nakamoto's house since their departure from Kansas City vary.
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| − | | |
| − | When asked about the status of his ballpark as a '''Crime Scene''', Betmint has insisted that "THE ONLY CRIME IN KANSAS CITY IS 14 SEASONS AND NO CHAMPIONSHIP RING OR SWORD OR WHATEVER THEY HAND OUT".<sup><ref>https://twitter.com/KBetmint/status/1373758191872380930</ref></sup>
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| − | <br> | |
| − | ===Pre-Game Rituals===
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| − | *Thanks to the long-term effects of the meadow, all Kansas City Breath Mint fans carry a small pocket of freshness within their lungs. Mints fans traveling to away games routinely step outside, taste the air and exclaim “Ahhhhh, Kansas City!” regardless of where they stop. Following this pre-game ritual, the exhalations of Mints fans spread a little bit of minty freshness wherever they go, slowly converting the rest of the world’s viable oxygen into Kansas City air. This is probably fine.<br>
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| − | === Amenities ===
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| − | ==== Fan Store ====
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| − | Never one to pass up a profit, General Manager Max Betmint had a gift shop constructed next to the open meadow, and then had a moat dug around the meadow to force people to pass through it on the way to the game. Breath Mint fans regularly “upgrade” their pendants by purchasing and wearing more of them. Several fans have collapsed from their team spirit, their dying words being “MORE… WEIGHT…”
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| − | | |
| − | Among the many unique gifts and pendants sold at the store are:
| |
| − | <!--CURRENT LINEUP-->*<choose uncached="">
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| − | <option> [[Marquez Clark]] Number 6 Placards. A well-meaning employee has attempted to convert this from the British imperial system to metric, crossing out the 6 and writing 19.7.</option>
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| − | <option> [[Marquez Clark]]'s new line of khaki Tripps for vampires who just prefer beige.</option> | |
| − | <option> [[Marco Stink]] bugs encased in amber. The ethics of where these bugs come from is unclear, but Max Betmint assures all fans that they are "ethically sourced" and "from before the dawn of time, when all things were bugs" and "not illegal, technically".</option>
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| − | <option> [[Hewitt Best]] strongly objects to his fans partaking in the capitalist nature of the fan store and dislikes the notion that more merchandise shows how dedicated a fan is. However, Best was not permitted to abstain from idolatry, so fans can receive a wonderful pamphlet on the IWW!</option>
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| − | <option> [[Helga Washington]] fish bone necklace. Some fans believe that if you place it in a cool mountain stream you can read the way that the bones align much like one can read tea leaves.</option> | |
| − | <option> [[Rodriguez Internet]]’s Ad Banner. New banners are printed daily to match the demographic of fans in attendance.</option>
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| − | <option> [[Eizabeth Guerra]] pastries, each with the word GOD lovingly stenciled on top.</option> | |
| − | <option> [[Eizabeth Guerra]] Mudpuppies throwback hat, from her time in the Blittle Leagues.</option>
| |
| − | </choose> | |
| − | <!--CURRENT ROTATION-->*<choose uncached=""> | |
| − | <option> [[Leach Ingram]] skull vape. This cool-looking skull has a vape pen inside of it and the word “souls” carved into the side of it. It is also suspiciously missing all of its teeth.</option>
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| − | <option> [[Mooney Doctor II]]'s moon rocks. Now a limited edition item since the destruction of the moon, the mark up price is astronomical but dedicated fans say that it's nothing compared to how Twooney must've felt when escaping the black hole.</option>
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| − | <option> [[PolkaDot Zavala]] patterned mirror, with the inscription "you are your own pattern."</option> | |
| − | <option> [[Winnie Hess]]’s E Charm Bracelet, with Letter E charms. The more E charms you accumulate, the bigger a fan you are. If the weight of all the charms dislocates your arm, it also helps with perfecting your whinny cheer. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Following the [[Season 14]] elections, these have doubled as merchandise for [[Grey Alvarado|--e- --varado]].</option>
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| − | <option> [[Oscar Vaughan]] teeth on a chain of dental floss. It is unclear where the teeth came from, but all of the employees assure they are fresh. </option>
| |
| − | </choose>
| |
| − | <!--FORMER PLAYERS-->*<choose uncached="">
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| − | <option> [[Whit Steakknife]] Memorial Steakknife Set. It's only 19.99!</option>
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| − | <option> [[Boyfriend Monreal]] half-a-heart pendants. Monreal wears a half-heart necklace that says “Boyf” on it, and all of the idol pendants in the store say “riend”. You, too, can be Boyf’s Riend.</option>
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| − | <option> [[Grey Alvarado]] Mime clock on a chain. “Mime Time” is written on a flimsy piece of tape, which is covering the words “Flava Flav”.</option> | |
| − | <option> [[Pudge Nakamoto]] best friend charms. It is rumored that these are just the the same as Boyfriend's old merch after their incineration since Max Betmint is known to be cheap, but all claims have been fervently denied and declared as hearsay.</option>
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| − | <option> [[Lenny Spruce]]'s offspring. A bin of mournful-looking pine cones sits in the back of the shop. It is unclear if they are actually from Spruce or from one of the hundreds of pine trees in the nearby forest.</option>
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| − | <option> [[Stew Briggs]] floaty pen. The pen contains a floating image of Stew sliding into home plate. Unfortunately the water inside has been replaced by broth so it is impossible to see anything.</option>
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| − | <option> A wide variety of [[Jessica Telephone]] merchandise. Discounted for always being at least a season behind on what her current team is.</option>
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| − | <option> [[Joshua Watson]] campaign buttons. Support Watson for Mayor! <br><small>Notice: The Kansas City FreshDome is not affiliated with Watson for Mayor, all merchandise proceeds are property of General Manager Maximillian Betmint VI.</small></option>
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| − | </choose>
| |
| − | <!--TEAM CULTURE/RIVALRIES/ETC-->*<choose uncached="">
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| − | <option> [[Shoe Thieves]] Deterrent. It looks suspiciously like a brick.</option>
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| − | <option> Trojan Horse Shoe. A fake shoe made out of mints to distract [[Shoe Thieves]]. While no purchase records exist for the Trojan Horse Shoe, they must be continually restocked during games against the Shoe Thieves.</option>
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| − | <option> [[Moist Talkers]] Coconut Scented Desiccating Confetti. Works on contact, reacts violently with moisture.</option> | |
| − | <option> Team Spirit Portable Emergency Eye Wash. On the shelves immediately next to the [[Moist Talkers]] Coconut Scented Desiccating Confetti.</option>
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| − | <option> '''CLEARANCE SALE: Bar Exam Studies Guides 80% Off! Never used!'''</option>
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| − | </choose> | |
| − | ====Player Memorials====
| |
| − | * A section of Stands was converted into a memorial fan zone for [[Whit Steakknife]] it is known as the Knife Block. The Block features individual slots for fans to watch the game while suspended upside-down as the slots conform and contour to each fan's individual body size. A monitor within the slot allows the fan to watch the action live and microphones from within project fans' cheers out to the field. The project was completed after the [[Season 5]] regular season finished. The Breath Mint's front office states that the section is already completely sold out for all [[Season 6]] home games. A few lucky fans were able to experience the Knife Block at its dedication ceremony. Speaking to the press about the experience one fan said, "Should I have this much blood in my brain?"
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| − | | |
| − | * Past the outfield, the [[Boyfriend Monreal]] Memorial Butterfly Gardens was constructed in their favorite batting practice spot, as Boyfriend usually had many butterfly friends following them around on their many walks through the meadow. Teammate [[Lenny Spruce]] began planting the garden after the end of [[Season 7]], and was often found tending to the plants and making friends with the butterflies.
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| − | | |
| − | * It is currently unknown what kind of memorial(s) will be/are planned for [[Eduardo Ingram]]. When asked for comment on the matter General Manager Max Betmint stated: "Do you know how hard it is to ethically source four-hundred-thousand tons of feathers?" and declined to comment further on the matter.
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| − | | |
| − | * ''"Hey Betmint, aren't these speakers supposed to be new? Why do I hear so much static? ...Oh huh, this is My Chemical Romance."''
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| − | ====Parking====
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| − | '''<big>It is strongly recommended that visitors avoid the parking lot.</big>'''
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| − | ====Beyond the Meadow====
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| − | Beyond the outskirts of the meadow, a large steakknife stands proudly in the earth. The blade has an inscription that reads "Brevity is the soul of Whit". It is rumored whoever pulls this hallowed blade from the ground shall be King born of Kansas City. Past this, there is a goblin cave to the North; The area is considered appropriate for four adventurers between levels 1 and 3.
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| − | {{BreathMintsNav}}
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| − | [[Category:Kansas City Breath Mints]]
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| − | [[Category:Places]]
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| − | [[Category:Stadiums]]
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| − | [[Category:Ballparks]]
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