Thomas Kirby

Thomas Kirby is a lineup player for the Dallas Steaks. Kirby has been with Steaks since Season 2, Day 72, when they replaced Zi Delacruz due to Incineration.

Official League Records

Kirby currently has no notable events in the official record books.

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Biography

Physical Attributes

While many of his team and league mates can boast exotic names and mystical/mythological origins, Thomas "Tom" Kirby is a perfectly fine if slightly pedestrian cis/het white male.

Thomas Kirby is 5'9" in height, and his weight is self-reported as "having maybe gotten a little soft around the middle, but that's not unusual when you start getting a little older and slow down a bit".

His appearance has been described as looking "very familiar", "almost exactly like someone [you] went to school with", and "sort of like that guy from a movie a few years back".

Family History

Unlike teammate Sebastian Telephone, who was spawned full-formed from a payphone, Kirby was born from an unremarkable pregnancy between Jeffrey "Jeff" Kirby and Judtih "Judy" Kirby. Judy described the conception and pregnancy as "average."

Kirby and his family live in a 3 bedroom, 2.5 bath ranch-style home in Farmers Branch, a north Dallas-area suburb. He and his wife Amanda have one son and one daughter. The family has one dog: a retriever mix, and one cat: a shorthair.

Personal Life

Kirby drives a midsize pickup truck. In interviews, he describes it as "just enough to get the job done". He is always happy to help a teammate move to a new residence or transport a piece of bulky furniture home.

Kirby's favorite food is Pot Roast, but he does occasionally enjoy Mexican food "as long as it isn't too spicy". He enjoys light beer, in moderation.

Kirby owns 4 pairs of khaki slacks, uses 2-in-1 shampoo + conditioner, and his favorite film is "The Shawshank Redemption".

Professional Life

He eschews any sort of value judgments or criticisms of his more extraordinary league mates. He treats all Blaseball players, friend or foe, with a polite respect, whether they be non-binary, non-sexually normative, non-human, or non-corporeal. He does admit, however, that he can't help but respect and appreciate a good, firm handshake.

Quotes

"You can just call me Tom." - Thomas Kirby