Theodore Honeywell/IF-9.252

Rumor / Community Lore
This article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community. It is just one of many Rumors that we've found in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill. You can find more Rumors about Theodore Honeywell at their Rumor Registry.

Theodore Honeywell, swolest of carnivores
Decked nose-to-tail in long caramel hair
This is no bearded dude posting on Grindr,
Teddy's a literal (Kodiak) bear

Theodore Honeywell, lover of partytime
Hungry for glory and hungry for gains
Waited ten seasons to step from the Shadows
Partied three times in his first twenty games

Theodore Honeywell, thumbs unopposable,
Can't grasp a bat in his razor-sharp claws
Treats the pitched ball like a migrating salmon
Deals it an almighty whack with his paws

Theodore Honeywell, slowest of blaserunners,
Hampered not just by prodigious size;
Party hats slip down his steep-sloping forehead,
Lumbers off-course when they cover his eyes

Theodore Honeywell, big Team Dad energy,
Backs up his teammates in manifold ways
Stands eight feet tall rearing up on his hindlegs
Weighs half a ton and could hug you for days

Theodore Honeywell, hero of Tokyo
Pride of Alaska and king of the den
Patiently features in countless bear with me jokes
Predator, Blaseballer, teammate and friend