Difference between revisions of "PolkaDot Patterson"

Revision as of 05:46, 1 August 2020

Art by @Slagstorm and l. coeruleus from the Discord

PolkaDot Patterson is a player for the Baltimore Crabs who originally played for the Kansas City Breath Mints during Season 1.

After receiving a "Max Out Pitcher" blessing and switching teams at the end of Season 1, Patterson has been regarded as a Messianic figure by the Crabs, many of whom believe Patterson to be their savior.

Patterson was also largely responsible for the Crabs' legendary 20-inning game against the Breckenridge Jazz Hands on day 52 of Season 2, which resulted in an 8-6 win for the Crabs.

Patterson has 87 fingers. This allows them to apply four-dimensional spin to the ball.

PolkaDot Patterson... How do you even begin to explain PolkaDot Patterson? PolkaDot Patterson is flawless. They have two Fendi purses and a silver Lexus. Their hair is insured for $10000. I hear they do car commercials in Japan. Their favorite movie is Varsity Blues. One time, they met John Stamos on a plane and he told them they were pretty.

Patterson's Regular Edition Discipline Era Photo Card (fig.2) has seen significant degradation due to Patterson's signature emanations. Patterson's Special Edition Discipline Era Photo Card (fig.3) has been reconstructed from photographer descriptions. The photographer has seen significant degradation due to Patterson's signature emanations.

Nicknames

Saint Patterson
PdP
PeePee
P O L K A D O T
Mound guardian, guardian of the mound
The arm(s) that won't quit
p̗̹͕̰̤̭͇͐͛̿̅̔͊̄̀̚͟ͅŏ̶̧̼̹͉͙̟̀̊̌̿̑͘l̶̙̰͙̜̫͖͕̮̜͚͂̓̂͛͊̚k̸̤͓̘̦̙͓͈̮̖͂̆̂̑͛̽͆́͘̚͢a̸̧͎͉̬̻͗̓̅̅̐̀͌̿͜͡͞ḅ̷̨̬̹̼͑̆͂̿͂̏͊̂͌ȩ̴͙͓̩͈̤̳̰̈͌́͆́̓̚ả̵̛̲̖͇̹͉̊̐̍͛͆͒͡s̸̳̻̱͕̘̻̦̬̔͌̊̏̃̈͝͞t̡̧̪̝͓̟͓̙͊̇̂̅͐̕͟͜3̧̝̰͓̗̗̊́̐̿͂̏́͘̕͡0̩̲̗̺̥̰̯̊̂̈̿̚0̵̥͎͓͓͓̭̯̼̞͖̿̀̇̂̈́̓͗͛̀̚0̨̢̛̪̱̺͎͑̃͋̊̈̚͟

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-|Fingers=As many as it takes to win
+|Fingers=As many as necessary (currently 87)}}PolkaDot Patterson is a player for the [[Baltimore Crabs]] who originally played for the [[Kansas City Breath Mints]] during Season 1.
-(Currently 87)}}PolkaDot Patterson is a player for the [[Baltimore Crabs]] who originally played for the [[Kansas City Breath Mints]] during Season 1.
 After receiving a "Max Out Pitcher" blessing and switching teams at the end of Season 1, Patterson has been regarded as a Messianic figure by the Crabs, many of whom believe Patterson to be their savior.