Parker Parra/IF-23.24

Rumor / Community Lore
This article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community. It is just one of many Rumors that we've found in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill. You can find more Rumors about Parker Parra at their Rumor Registry.

Origins - Tangled in the Third Dimension

Once, Parker Parra was just a being in the 5th dimension making their way through life before they became entangled in the planar convolutions around the Crabitat. The whole thing was a big fuss for both Parker and the League, as their fifth-dimensional flailing caused considerable damage to the dimensions immediately next to them. Fortunately Parker came to an arrangement with the ████ to be folded into an approximation of a 3 dimensional form and join the IBL full time with the understanding that when their material form was destroyed they could continue venturing through 5th dimensional space. How this deal interacts with the intricacies of the Hall of Flame is yet to be understood, though we look forward to finding out.

Reportedly over time Parker found out they actually enjoy playing blaseball, and the wide variety of experiences on the Immaterial Plane. In a recent interview, they confessed that "honestly, there's more going on in the Immaterial plane than in the 5 dimensional one."

Pitching Statistics

Statistically, Parra has one of the strongest pitching arms in the ILB and under unobserved conditions has achieved pitch speeds of up to ████mph However, they seemingly refuse to pitch over 30mph. Parra has been quoted as saying that "It just wouldn't be fair on them. The speed would be fatal, even seeing it would blind you lot for a week at least. No. Not happening".

UFO sightings in and around Baltimore have increase by 500% since Parra was signed. Reports of "motes of light", "clusters of suspended spheres" and "blaseballs raining from the sky" are common. Investigations into these phenomena are ongoing.

Relationship with Linear Time

As an entity of the fifth dimension, Parker has a stated interest in the movement of people and objects through time. This came to the attention of the public during a season 3 post-season interview, where a reporter asked pointed questions regarding the future of the Crabs and the expected results of the elections. Parker proceeded to berate the reporter for trying to "spoil the fun" and "cheating." While at the time it was unclear what Parker was referring to, several seasons later it became clear the line of questioning was alluding to future events. When asked about their earlier rant Parker commented that they "don't appreciate when people try and skip ahead, it ruins the whole thing".

The question of whether Parker can travel through the dimension of "time" in their current form is unclear, though other time traveling players in the league had reported seeing them in unexpected temporal locations. Parker is adamant however that they were simply on their way to the stadium and taking a shortcut through the Neolithic period.