Difference between revisions of "Mike Townsend"

Revision as of 01:51, 31 July 2020

Mike Townsend is a disappointment.

Former band member and current disgrace for the Seattle Garages.

Each time Townsend takes the mound, in lieu of a first pitch, one lucky fan is selected to throw the First Tomato at him. Last season, analysts determined these fan-thrown tomatoes had a greater strike zone accuracy than Townsend's season average.

Has a pitch arsenal of two eephus pitches that he insists are different.

While being one of the worst pitchers in the league, Townsend's presence on the mound seems to throw legendary batter Jessica Telephone off. The reason for this is hotly debated by fans.

Townsend once suggested the Garages change their name to the Seattle Bread, due to his love of whole wheat with extra seeds. This only caused the other players to hate him even more.

Townsend was born in and currently lives in Bellevue WA. Many suspect that this is the reason he is so bad at blaseball.

Despite there being at least three pitchers who are statistically worse than Townsend, every single Garages fan questioned in a recent survey considered Townsend to be the worst pitcher in the League.

@@ Line 9: / Line 9: @@
 Has a pitch arsenal of two eephus pitches that he insists are different.
-While being almost unquestionably the worst pitcher in the league<sup>[citation needed]</sup>, Townsend's presence on the mound seems to throw legendary batter [[Jessica Telephone]] off. The reason for this is hotly debated by fans.
+While being one of the worst pitchers in the league, Townsend's presence on the mound seems to throw legendary batter [[Jessica Telephone]] off. The reason for this is hotly debated by fans.
 Townsend once suggested the Garages change their name to the Seattle Bread, due to his love of whole wheat with extra seeds. This only caused the other players to hate him even more.
-Townsend was born in and currently lives in Bellevue WA. Many rightfully suspect that this is the reason he is so bad at blaseball.
+Townsend was born in and currently lives in Bellevue WA. Many suspect that this is the reason he is so bad at blaseball.
+Despite there being at least three pitchers who are statistically worse than Townsend, every single Garages fan questioned in a recent survey considered Townsend to be the worst pitcher in the League.
 [[Category:Players]]