Difference between revisions of "Mike Townsend"

Revision as of 22:04, 31 July 2020

Mike Townsend is a major disappointment, total disgrace, and starting pitcher for the Seattle Garages. He is also a former member of the Garages' band, The Garages.

Despite there being at least three pitchers who are statistically worse than him, every single Garages fan questioned in a recent survey considered Townsend to be the worst pitcher in the League, both blaseball-ly and morally. Due to this sentiment among fans it is generally believed Mike is among the most hated players in the history of Blaseball. Despite this reputation, Townsend has performed well against Philly Pies slugger Jessica Telephone. The reason for this unlikely success is hotly debated by fans.

Townsend has a two-pitch arsenal, both of which are eephus pitches he insists are different.

Personal life

Townsend once suggested the Garages change their name to the Seattle Bread, due to his love of whole wheat with extra seeds. This only increased the friction between Townsend and the rest of the Garages.

Townsend was born in and currently lives in Bellevue, Washington. Some suspect that this is the reason for his limited Blaseball success and soured reputation.

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 {{Player|team=[[Seattle Garages]], but only in a blaseball sense|rating=½★|status=Alive, Intact, A Disappointment|image1=Mike_Townsend_-_photo_intentionally_omitted.png}}
-'''Mike Townsend''' is a major disappointment, current disgrace, and starting pitcher for the [[Seattle Garages]]. He is also a former member of the Garages' band, [[The Garages]].
+'''Mike Townsend''' is a major disappointment, total disgrace, and starting pitcher for the [[Seattle Garages]]. He is also a former member of the Garages' band, [[The Garages]].
-Each time Townsend takes the mound, in lieu of a first pitch, one lucky fan is selected to throw the First Tomato at him. Last season, analysts determined these fan-thrown tomatoes had a greater strike zone accuracy than Townsend's season average.
+Despite there being at least three pitchers who are statistically worse than him, every single Garages fan questioned in a recent survey considered Townsend to be the worst pitcher in the League, both blaseball-ly and morally. Due to this sentiment among fans it is generally believed Mike is among the most hated players in the history of Blaseball. Despite this reputation, Townsend has performed well against Philly Pies slugger [[Jessica Telephone]]. The reason for this unlikely success is hotly debated by fans.
-Has a pitch arsenal of two eephus pitches that he insists are different.
+Townsend has a two-pitch arsenal, both of which are eephus pitches he insists are different.
-While being one of the worst pitchers in the league, Townsend's presence on the mound seems to throw legendary batter [[Jessica Telephone]] off. The reason for this is hotly debated by fans.
+== Personal life ==
+Townsend once suggested the Garages change their name to the Seattle Bread, due to his love of whole wheat with extra seeds. This only increased the friction between Townsend and the rest of the Garages.
-Townsend once suggested the Garages change their name to the Seattle Bread, due to his love of whole wheat with extra seeds. This only caused the other players to hate him even more.
+Townsend was born in and currently lives in Bellevue, Washington. Some suspect that this is the reason for his limited Blaseball success and soured reputation.
-Townsend was born in and currently lives in Bellevue, WA. Many suspect that this is the reason he is so bad at blaseball.
-Despite there being at least three pitchers who are statistically worse than Townsend, every single Garages fan questioned in a recent survey considered Townsend to be the worst pitcher in the League, both blaseball-ly and morally. Due to this sentiment among fans it is generally believed Mike is among the most hated players in the history of Blaseball.
 [[Category:Players]]