Comfort Septemberish
Comfort Septemberish is a player for the Breckenridge Jazz Hands.
Little is known about Comfort's life prior to the First Pitch and the advent of Blaseball, least of all by Comfort himself. He appears to have no memory whatsoever of a life prior to a few months before Season One. Comfort had been living in those months as a drifter, with zero initial knowledge of life, or even awareness of self. Fortuitously for fans of the Jazz Hands, Comfort stumbled upon the squad warming up for the first day of Spring Training. As he watched the players take batting practice, he began to mimic their actions, using a discarded O-Cedar EasyWring mop handle to send crabapples from a nearby tree hundreds of feet through the morning sky. When coaxed into the actual baseball diamond by his now teammates, using ripped up pieces of beef jerky, he proved to be just as successful hammering Blaseballs, bellowing "DEEP CLEANING MADE EASY" with every home run. His teammates would later learn that this was the slogan of the EasyWring mop.
Throughout most of Season One, Comfort was reliably the team's best hitter, despite having very little understanding of what, in fact, Blaseball was. During the first couple of months of the season, he was acting largely on instinct, a Pavlovian response formed by being able to use the slips of paper he was given for hitting the Blaseball. This paper, which he now understands to be currency, was used to procure full versions of the empty boxes and packages which he had used to learn language while roaming the streets of Colorado. Slowly, he begun to understand the concepts of victory and defeat, and when the dots finally connected that more victories meant more currency, Comfort went on a tear, leading the Jazz Hands to a division title. Though they were swept in the first round of the playoffs by the eventual league champion Philly Pies, Comfort's rookie season has led fans to believe there's nowhere to go but up, especially considering that he still only sort of understands what Blaseball is.
As previously mentioned, most of Comfort's language skill was acquired through studying refuse found on the streets, which is why he often speaks in advertising catchphrases. He chose the moniker Comfort himself, after asking a teammate if there was a word to describe what he felt after consuming a snack sized bag of "BIGGER BOLDER THICKER" Ranch Dipped Hot Wings flavored JACKED Doritos and then laying on a Sleep Number Mattress, TIME Magazine's most highly rated mattress of 2012.
His last name is the result of a comedy of errors amongst the staff at the Breckenridge branch of Social Security, where Comfort was directed to procure a legal identity so that he could be eligible to sign a contract with the Jazz Hands. An extremely hung-over government employee asked Comfort for his birth date. Providing as much information as he had available, Comfort replied "Septemberish". The error was compounded when the the employee, aptly named █████ █████████, placed this information in the last name field on the document.
Comfort has no known age, however an estimate of 27 years old has been offered by a scientist who cut off one of Comfort's toes and counted the rings.
