Elwin McGhee/IF-22.63

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Personal Life

Elwin McGhee is a sentient being composed mostly of grass-fed butter. He typically takes the form of a dog (breed and size varies) or a block of butter about the size of a refrigerator. The butter McGhee is composed of is most similar in chemical makeup to ghee, a clarified butter invented in India. This butter has a low melting point, which can cause McGhee to liquefy during particularly warm weather.

This does not seem to bother McGhee at all, and he has been seen enthusiastically finishing team practice sessions as a puddle.

McGhee was recruited to the team by Val Hitherto, who accidentally attempted to use McGhee to butter his crumpet while on a brief vacation to the Butter Timeline. While in the Butter Timeline, McGhee worked as a bartender and a shepherd. He has been known to use his weekends to bartend or shepherd, so he doesn't get rusty.

McGhee occasionally speaks with a terrible Cockney accent. There is no discernible reason for this, as he has never been to England. He is, however, according to sources in Ireland, related to Celtic fae. He has reportedly been seen sitting in faerie circles, with an invisible force giving him pats on the head.

McGhee's butter has the strange effect of granting life to inanimate objects after prolonged exposure. So far, McGhee has been seen to grant life to:

  • Multiple sweatbands
  • At least two Lift uniforms
  • One blaseball bat
  • The lower half of the Lift stadium

The most notable example of this is the granting of sentience to Concrete Mandible, fellow lift player and former statue. This was accidental, and happened because Mandible's head was “a great napping spot,” according to McGhee.

Mandible and McGhee remain good friends to this day, and Mandible will still occasionally take a nap with McGhee on its head.