Topic on Talk:Barry Burkhard

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Biography

Teen Years

Not much is known about Barry Burkhard's teen years, except that he was "rad as hell" and that he did a lot of community service. There was a rumor once that he got into a dance battle with a raccoon and won his first pair of parachute pants from it.

College Years

Barry's college years would go down in history as absolutely legendary. After getting accepted on a full ride to Quinoa University to study Fashion Design, Barry met his best friend and roommate, Cory Ross. Together, they joined the Mu Lambda Mu fraternity and quickly became popular. Cory and Barry became the protectors of both the party and the vibes as they would make anyone and everyone feel safe at their parties. Anyone who violated the sacred party rules would quickly be kicked out and banned. This led to Barry getting the nickname The Party Knight.

SACRED PARTY RULES

-don't be a creep

-don't mess with someone else's drink

-don't touch someone without consent

-don't piss off The Party Knight

-no underage drinking

As The Party Knight, Barry got into many fights protecting people from others that would violate the party rules. Barry was also known for the fastest shotgun, flip cup, and beer bong, as well as the longest keg stand, and the only four time winner of the Beer-lympics, only barely managing to beat Cory in Beer Mario Kart to eke out the victory.

After College

After college, Barry got a temp job at the local print shop. There, he was able to woo the local population of moms into letting him join their wine and cheese clubs, offering his famous beer and cheese fondue as a tasty alternative to the cubes and slices of cheese that the ladies were eating previously. The ~~milfs~~, I mean moms, immediately fell in love and therefore Barry became a staple in every book club, PTA meeting, and HOA.

The Fax Machine

One night, Barry was working late at the print shop when he received a strange fax. The machine printed out a message that looked like a flyer to join a Blaseball team. Immediately after reading the message, the fax machine reached up, grabbed Barry, and pulled him through to a different dimension. Standing in front of him was a very nice looking young man with telephone buttons on his face. Sebastian Telephone then greeted Barry and asked him to join his Blaseball team. With nothing better to do, Barry agreed, becoming a pitcher for the Dallas Stacks, a pancake themed Blaseball team.

Time With the Dallas Stacks

Sebastian and Barry became quick friends. They used their combined charisma to get many people to join the Dallas Stacks, a team that thrived off of each of its players inviting other people to join so that they had the most players in the league. As Sebastian and Barry neared the top of the ~~pyramid~~ reverse funnel, they became more and more loved by their teammates, the league, and the fans. Barry, being a horrible pitcher, would refuse to bat so that Sebastian had more time at the plate.

An Alternate

One afternoon, Barry and Sebastian went to lunch at their favorite sandwich shop. However, as Barry and Sebastian piled into Barry's 1979 Fore LTD Country Squire with wood grain paneling, Sebastian was pulled through a portal. Not wanting to lose his friend, Barry drove his car through the portal. The portal dumped them both out in the middle of a Blaseball field. Barry saw as what looked like another Sebastian left through the portal. Barry drove his car up to the woman that looked in charge and asked what happened. She then promptly threw her clipboard at him and yelled at him to get his car off the field. After he parked the car in the parking lot, Barry and Sebastian were informed that Sebastian had been alternated and that Barry had somehow made it through with him. They were now in the future. The woman, who revealed herself to be named Phil, offered Barry a spot on the lineup. Barry refused, claiming to be an ace pitcher. After demonstrating his pitching skills to Phil, she asked him to leave. Barry was shocked to find that he was back home, just in the modern day and that his friend Cory was playing for the team. Cory and Barry caught up, despite Barry still being in his 20s and Cory being in his 50s, they still got along great.

After Sebastian

Barry watched Sebastian's death live while he was working his job as a marketing executive. After waiting for 10 seasons, Barry asked Phil for a job on the lineup. She reluctantly agreed and placed him on the bench, where he waited patiently for his debut.