Difference between revisions of "Atlas Jonbois"

Revision as of 18:00, 9 August 2020

Atlas Jonbois was a player for the Charleston Shoe Thieves.

Not much is known about the roadmaps that make up the entirety of Jonbois' body, but they appear to navigate exclusively to Sunken Charleston.

Atlas Jonbois was formerly a tram operator, introduced to the splort of blaseball when they were wrangled into posing as Charleston Shoe Thieves pitcher Cornelius Games during the Season 2 Finals. While their performance as a pitcher was abysmal, they absently tried hitting a few balls for practice after the game and were discovered to be a somewhat competent hitter by the team, putting them in position to be recruited as a replacement hitter following the Incineration of Sebastian Townsend

When asked about their hopes for new player Atlas Jonbois, the entirety of the Charleston Shoe Thieves responded in deafening unison, "Atlas is big and strong and is my friend."

Everyone is fairly sure that Jonbois would have specialized in stealing ballet shoes, but they never got the chance to officially steal shoes for the team.

Jonbois was incinerated Season 3, Day 43. They were replaced by Sebastian Woodman. At four games played and three games started, Jonbois is believed to have had the shortest career in ILB history.

In Literature

Following Jonbois' incineration, team eulogist Ham Ham composed "The Ballad of Atlas Jonbois" in their honor:

Well, let me tell you of the story of a map named Atlas

A hitter we barely knew

They kissed the trams farewell, and entered Choux Stadium

To cheer for the Thievin' Shoe

[Chorus] Well, did they ever return?

No they never returned, and their fate is still unlearned

They may ride forever in Sunken Charleston

They’re the map who never returned

Atlas took a wrong turn into the players’ dugout

And Cornelius needed relief

Their pitching career was not fated to prosper

But Atlas became a Shoe Thief

[Chorus]

After three short games as a Shoe Thieves slugger

We said “you’re big and strong, my friend!”

But when a rogue umpire lit those maps on fire

Atlas saw their lifetime end

[Chorus]

Now all night long Atlas rides through Sunken Charleston

On a spectral tram they navigate

But their heart is full of blaseball dreams and stolen kicks

Atlas Jonbois will never bow to fate

Well, did they ever return?

No they never returned, and their fate is still unlearned

They may ride forever in Sunken Charleston

They’re the map who never returned

@@ Line 13: / Line 13: @@
 Jonbois was incinerated Season 3, Day 43. They were replaced by [[Sebastian Woodman]]. At four games played and three games started, Jonbois is believed to have had the shortest career in ILB history.
+<br />
+=== In Literature ===
+Following Jonbois' incineration, team eulogist Ham Ham composed "The Ballad of Atlas Jonbois" in their honor:
+Well, let me tell you of the story of a map named Atlas
+A hitter we barely knew
+They kissed the trams farewell, and entered Choux Stadium
+To cheer for the Thievin' Shoe
+[Chorus] Well, did they ever return?
+No they never returned, and their fate is still unlearned
+They may ride forever in Sunken Charleston
+They’re the map who never returned
+Atlas took a wrong turn into the players’ dugout
+And Cornelius needed relief
+Their pitching career was not fated to prosper
+But Atlas became a Shoe Thief
+[Chorus]
+After three short games as a Shoe Thieves slugger
+We said “you’re big and strong, my friend!”
+But when a rogue umpire lit those maps on fire
+Atlas saw their lifetime end
+[Chorus]
+Now all night long Atlas rides through Sunken Charleston
+On a spectral tram they navigate
+But their heart is full of blaseball dreams and stolen kicks
+Atlas Jonbois will never bow to fate
+Well, did they ever return?
+No they never returned, and their fate is still unlearned
+They may ride forever in Sunken Charleston
+They’re the map who never returned
 [[Category:Players]]
 [[Category:Players Who Replaced an Incinerated Player]]
 [[Category:Batters]]
 [[Category:Incinerated Players]]