this is the proposal that the thieves came up with. if anything needs editing please let us know.
Tevin Melcon is a two-dimensional being, claiming to have hailed from the Second Dimension. Melcon has been described as “paper-like” and “kinda like a painting”, although xe is notably not made of paper. Details about Melcon’s past are sparse, and Xir nature as a two-dimensional being is mostly unknown.
Melcon is known for being short-tempered and confrontational, with a hatred for Blaseball and its Umpires. Consequently, Melcon has expressed that xe has no interest in improving xir pitching ability and refuses to show up at practices, instead opting to “break glass and generally cause havoc” in the Choux parking lot, sources say. Melcon has also received multiple noise complaints for “triumphantly screaming at god” from atop rooftops. Xir anti-establishment attitude and physical form that makes a mockery of most security systems quickly caught the attention of team manager Cornelius Games, who took on a fatherly role both on and off the field. “It’s really sweet," said a teammate who wished to remain anonymous. "Tev calls Corn and Dickson xir dads sometimes and I think they've just kinda accepted that.” When reached for comment, Melcon let out a scream of teenage angst and effortlessly disappeared under the nearby second base.
Due to xir flat nature and sub-par pitching, Melcon was regularly transferred to and from the Shadows via the Fax Machine. On the field, Melcon has been observed yelling at Umpires, attempting to hit them with pitches, and generally pitching incorrectly, which, according to xir, is “out of pure spite”.
Melcon and fellow Shoe Thief Simba Davis share a sort of rivalry, both ranked as some of the league's worst pitchers. One of Melcon's proudest moments came on Season 21, Day 84, when xe pitched the League's largest ever shutout (as of Season 24), losing 0-29 against the Pies. To the shock of all those present, Melcon sat down on the mound at the start of the game and began to peel and eat the blaseball, thus preventing the Shoe Thieves from scoring even a single run. Despite the subsequent week of intense sickness and chastisement from team leadership, Melcon cheerfully claimed to have "NO RAGRETS [sic]". Even so, most fans consider Melcon a better pitcher than Davis, a source of contention that has led to an often tumultuous friendship between the two. Melcon and Davis can frequently be found cavorting and spreading general havoc with third base coach Badgerson Stromboli (no relation) and star player Velasquez Alstott.
Melcon is often seen accompanied by a multi-dimensional Omni-Owl named Minerva, who is registered as an emotional support animal.
