hi gamers i wanna add some lore i wrote to beasleys page under an irm. i hope thats still a thing because i honestly havent read the wiki in a while. anyway ill post my stuff here ok, let me know what you think!!
The worst beasley day of your life
Beasley Day, middling blaseball player and unsuccessful streamer, was mid-stream when Farrell Seagull crashed through her window in a barely controlled dive, spraying shards of glass and grey-brown feathers just absolutely everywhere, like those of the Dunnock (also known as a ‘hedge sparrow’, a delightful little bird with some really weird breeding habits).
“Oh no no no, what the hell are you doing?” screamed Beasley, backing away as Farrell thrashed wildly on the floor, absolutely goddamn shredding the cables she had collided with. “Farrell, Farrell, what the hell! You broke my window!” repeated Beasley as Farrell righted herself awkwardly, erratically preening her feathers. She eyed the terrified Beasley beadily, letting out a quiet “wark-wark” warning call, before turning her mind to her favorite pastime: theft, which Beasley would have known if she’d talked to any of her teammates for like, more than a minute, because Farrell would have been described as “the least sexy cryptid imaginable” by Philly Pies Hamilton stan Lang Richardson, or “ow”,“what the hell, man”,”where’d my BMX go” by the late Jessica Telephone.
Farrell began rummaging through Beasley’s belongings, snatching and swallowing anything shiny or interesting she spotted. She would pellet those out later, like an owl, hawk, or heron once she got back to her nest. Her nest, by the way, was a large wattle and daub platform (bird style!) hidden in the rafters of the Tastykake stadium constructed of stolen baseball bats, spit, and other stolen materials (like Beasley day’s hdmi cables or Jessica Telephone’s skateboards), and was largely left alone by everyone involved with the stadium out of absolute fear and / or absolute ignorance.
“Hey! Hey, stop that!” pleaded Beasley, waving her branded gaming gloves (#spon) at Farrell as she moved to stop her cracking open and disemboweling VHS copies (original!) of Sailor Moon. “Those were expensive! Please! I need them as background props, for my streams!” hollered Beasley. “God damn! F*ck!”. Beasley couldn’t cuss, because it affected her hypothetical ad revenue.
Farrell, now thoroughly wrapped in VHS tape (I googled this but it turns out it’s just like, called tape, which makes sense but I sure didn’t put that together) and having determined that it wasn’t edible fixed her horrid little eyes on Beasley, and proceeded to do that thing baby birds do where they open their beaks real wide and scream at their parent for food, but like, in a really mocking manner. Then she said some curse words in her awful raven voice (she didn’t speak english, but like for personal reasons and not cuz she’s a big animal) and ruffled her feathers, emitting a massive cloud of dust and diatomaceous earth (a natural pesticide that’s real good for dust bathing birds cuz it just shreds the bugs, great stuff I love it).
Beasley, reaching her absolute limit, hurled a small figurine of a busty catgirl (given to her by Nic Mora, Jessica Telephone’s little sister) at Farrell, which exploded into a cloud of plastic maid outfit and Farrell feathers (like when something real bad happens to a bird, like what a hawk does to a smaller bird from a controlled dive or that baseball player who absolutely nailed that effing dove (rip)), causing Farrell to shriek more half-learnt curse words and leap back out the window, grabbing one of Beasley’s monitors in her powerful claws on the way, instantly making it more of a collectors item to blaseball fans.
Beasley’s apartment never recovered, and she soon moved in with Nic Mora, even though she didn’t really want to because Mora’s kind of awful, but on the plus side it also meant Farrell never bothered her again. Farrell, on the other wing (haha get it it’s like the other hand but a bird joke), warbled happily from her nest for the next few days before she decided to ruin someone elses life.