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| − | Lachlan Shelton is a batter for the Canada Moist Talkers, who joined the team during Season Three following Kennedy Alstott’s incineration. He has quickly become a fan favourite, between his game-winning home run in the 21st game of the season and his “refreshing” (according to an unspecified Talkers fancast) relatability when contrasted to the majority of the Talkers lineup.
| + | {{Player|title1=|pronouns=he/him|rating=★|status=Intact, Alive|team=Canada Moist Talkers}} |
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| − | Shelton joined the splort after his favourite donair restaurant was shut down in the wake of the flooding that overtook most of the country, citing a need for distraction after the loss. Reportedly, he can be seen before home games on a dinghy over its previous location, rubbing a greasy plastic basket smelling strongly of garlic for good luck.
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