Baby Doyle
From Blaseball Wiki
Baby Doyle is a player for the Breckenridge Jazz Hands. They are a literal baby, and no one but The Commissioner knows how they manage to wield a Blaseball Blatt. A core component of the Jazz Hands' offence, their short legs and and lack of object permanence make them a slight liability on defense.
Birthed from a heap of nuclear slag at Rocky Flats Plant, CO, Doyle's naissance is of ritual significance to the Church St Marie Curie of the Holy Geiger Counter. Doyle is technically a free agent, but has to get their mom to sign all the paperwork for them given their radioactivity, juvenile illiteracy, and inability to hold a pen in their fat little baby hands.
