Topic on Talk:Melton Telephone

Hi Magic! I'm really new to contributing to the wiki, but I wanted to start with IRMs. I started writing this before Melton got shadowed but I still wanted to get this posted and get some feedback. I'm not sure how unique this is compared to the existing IRM, so some of it could just be added to the one that's there. Anyways, here's the full text. I just had some ideas I thought were cool and a slightly different take on them. Thanks for checking this out and I hope this is good!

The idea of having them only able to communicate through telephones is a new one, and it's pretty neat! Their initial reaction to catching a ball is hilarious, and paints a neat little image on how you see them. The end of it is a little abrupt, however: Do you have any idea on how to round it off? Maybe with some notes on their performance last season, maybe, and the chomp?

Thank you! I agree about the end and I’ll put together some more stuff tomorrow about what you mentioned. Maybe ending with something about returning to the shadows. I think I was just a little too excited to post something.

Ok I've made some edits and additions, the bulk of them are below.Everything can be found back on the Google doc too.

Telephone got their chance to pitch when they were subbed in for Francisco Preston in Season 17. After helping the Magic reach the postseason, Telephone was attacked by Consumers in a game against the Hawai’i Fridays. Their performance dropped after this event and many noticed a significant decrease in the maximum height Telephone grew to. Over the course of Season 18, their bark grew soft and mossy and phone parts were noticeably rusty.

At the end of the season, Telephone requested some time off, which their teammates obviously supported. The deteriorating payphone stepped behind a nearby tree and disappeared entirely. The current whereabouts of Telephone are unknown, but Magic players are confident they will answer the call when the team needs them most.

Love this lore, can't wait to see it on the wiki.

Only thing I'd think (and this is honestly a very me thing in how I write, please disregard as you want) is when you say that they're made up of "several species" I'd say which ones - something like: (Quaking Aspen, Silver Birch, Common Oak, and several other indeterminate species have been identified within Melton)

This would help give a level more precision to the IRM which is something I personally really enjoy.

It's approaching 24 hours so I'll put up one final update using Cuttlefish's idea with my own rewording. The sentence now reads:

"Their body is mostly comprised of tree trunks and branches from various species (Douglas fir, white ash, giant sequoia, and several unknown species have been observed) while their head consists of telephone parts."

Thanks for the help you guys!

Ooh I like that. Is it ok if I take exactly what you wrote but remove the last two words ("within Melton")? There's just something I like about the formality of last name only or no identifier at all.