Legscraper

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Description

The Legscraper is the official stadium and home of the Tokyo Lift. The influences of the formerly deific legs it is built on and the mysterious cave system above which it is often stationed have turned the dumbbell-shaped skyscraper into a (relatively) benevolent entity. Members of the Lift can navigate the ever-shifting hallways and empty rooms of the tower with ease, while fans are channelled straight to the elevators leading to the rooftop stadium. Visiting teams and certain other groups, however, may become hopelessly lost until discovered by Lift staff; one party of Dilsney executives became trapped in an office-supplies cupboard for seventeen days, surviving on glue sticks and fluid squeezed from anti-static screen wipes. The origins of the Legscraper are known to few. Although the existence of the Lazarus Pit is now common knowledge in certain circles, the legs that support the Legscraper are dismissed as products of Dilsneyland Tokyo or an aspect of the Pit. The only ones aware of the Legscraper's true nature are players Nandy Slumps, Stijn Strongbody, and Knight Triumphant.

History

The land that became home to the Legscraper was already notable before Walt Dilsney bought and half-built a theme park over it, and it is strongly speculated that Dilsney chose this location because of the Pit’s presence.

LAZARUS PIT

Though documented during the Kamakura Period by the avid splortsman known only as Mehashirou, no local or historical name for this site survives; the name used today is an invention of the Dilsney Corporation. The Lazarus Pit is an underground cavern and associated body of water containing magic that encourages fitness and health. Prior to Dilsney’s creation of a second manmade entrance, the only known passage into the Pit was a submerged sea cave in the Tokyo Bay. Situated at the nexus of a complex cave system, the Pit’s isolation combined with the water’s unique properties have resulted in a rich ecosystem of endemic bioluminescent organisms, including several members of the genus Cyrtomium and three distinct genera of Salmonidae.

LEG DAY

Before Blaseball was even an idea, Nandy Slumps was killing gods with Knight Triumphant. In the still-extant Moab Desert, a quarry of theirs would be split up in an effort to make it impossible for it to ravage the land once more. Nandy, in particular, took the legs. Still ambulatory and seeking its parts, Nandy decided to cut off a toe under the assumption that it would seek nearer parts first. Her gamble paid off, and she used the toe as bait to lead it across the Pacific. The legs remained above ground as she placed the toe in the caves that, unbeknownst to her, led to the Lazarus Pit.

DILSNEYLAND

As professional Blaseball beckoned, Slumps eventually left the legs in a shady grove, expecting them to decay and be forgotten. Instead they were preserved by the Pit's magics. When the Dilsney Corporation took ownership of the locale in 19XX, the mighty limbs became the centrepiece of the themed area "Leg-o-Land", home to attractions including the Ankle Biters soft play area and the short-lived Thigh Will Be Done bistro. Park staff deployed to this area reported symptoms such as rampant muscle growth, raging thirst and cataracts, but were dismissed by Dilsney executives as "paranoid malingerers". The park failed spectacularly, and in 1997, it was abandoned.

LEGSCRAPER

When Slumps won the title deeds to the former Dilsneyland Tokyo in an unsanctioned backroom Mahjong tournament, she was unaware of her previous connection to the location. Her first site visit revealed the truth; the awesome, uncorrupted legs stood proudly as the focal point of the park and performed a subtle curtsey as she passed. Alert to the pressures facing low-income residents of Tokyo, Slumps had already been considering redeveloping the area for rent-free social housing. The legs would, in time, become the centrepiece of the development, crowned by a futuristic skyscraper hosting healthcare and leisure facilities serving the community. Thus, the Legscraper was born.