Will Statter Jr.

From Blaseball Wiki

Will Statter Jr. was a lineup player for the Philly Pies, and was with the team from Season β24, Day 67 until Fall Ball.

Official League Records

Statter Jr. joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Philly Pies on Season β24, Day 67 after the incineration of Peanut Holloway.

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Most important to understanding Will Statter Jr. is understanding the fact that, according to many members of the Philly Pies, Statter Jr. is “Unbearable to be around.”

Joining the Team

At the moment of the incineration of Peanut (Hollowman) Holloway, Statter Jr.’s purported favorite player, he was leaned out from his seat in the first row and shouting in an attempt to get the player’s attention. He succeeded, and Holloway proceeded to take of his jersey and toss it to Statter Jr., saying “You’ve got it from here, kid.” Holloway’s instability was transferred along with the jersey. Before his joining of the Pies, Will Statter Jr. attended Wharton University, where he was pursuing a degree in economics, with a concentration in management. His main hobby was betting and investing in Blaseball games, using capital he borrowed from his father, Will Statter Sr., hence his presence at the Pies game that day.

Time on The Pies

Upon joining the team, it was clear how Statter Jr. meshed into the existing team culture. The incineration of Bright Zimmerman earlier in season 24 left a brief window where the team had no players widely hated by both the flanbase, and their own teammates. Will Statter Jr. quickly and unknowingly filled this role, almost instantly antagonizing his teammates on accident. Because of his poor performance on the diamond, he gained the ire of Pies Flans. He also failed to gain the sympathy of other players for a variety of reasons:

  • Suggested Tiana Takahashi sell many of her Tlopps cards, specifically pointing out the rare Holo Daniel Holloway card which had recently spiked in value
  • Announced to Eduardo Woodman his intent to throw games while betting against the Pies, before being reminded that his contract included a clause forbidding betting on games in which he played
  • Decried academia while talking to Doc Anice and other Piebrary staff, referring to colleges and libraries as “only good for meeting CEOs and shaking hands with the actually important people”
  • Exclusively refers to Ruslan Greatness as “Big Man,” and slaps his biceps whenever walking past him. In private, Greatness has expressed confusion and distress over the nickname
  • When Henry (Hank) Marshallow mourned the recent loss of his bridge partner, he proposed the two of them play “something actually fun instead”
  • Was mean to Nerd