Topic on Talk:Chorby Short

From Blaseball Wiki

New IRM: American kestrel Chorby Short

CrookedSaint (talkcontribs)

Howdy! I'm here to propose an IRM of Chorby Short in which they are a regular American kestrel. I'm unfamiliar with the Magic's attitude towards and use of IRM, so let me know if any changed need to be made before posting!

Chorby Short is a small American kestrel born in Seattle and currently residing within the boundaries of Yellowstone National Park and surrounding woodland area. The American kestrel, also referred to as the sparrowhawk, is the smallest and most common falcon in North America, with Short being a particularly diminutive example.


Once a resident of Discovery Park, Short was recruited by a very confused ILB intern who was looking for famed underleaguer Sparrow Hawk. Said intern was an ornithology major and mistakenly signed Short to the Seattle Garages. Due to Short’s inability to lift a bat or play music, they were placed in the team’s Shadows.

It was widely considered a positive change[by whom?] when Short was traded onto the Yellowstone Magic, one of the few teams prepared to address their unique needs as a player. They were outfitted with all charms and sigils needed to bat, if only as a single-star hitter. Even Terrell Bradley was quoted as saying, “Frankly, I’m more confused than upset. I hope that little bird is okay out there in the middle of nowhere.” Bradley has not been reachable for comment since.

Short’s time on Cream & Sugar United during the inaugural Coffee Cup was not particularly notable aside from the media’s continual fixation on their relationship to Quack Enjoyable. Continual efforts by press to spin their territorial disputes as a heated rivalry proved fruitless, though, once it was explained to Short by translator (and close personal friend of Short’s) Bonk Jokes that Enjoyable “posed little threat.”


Chorby Short is, by all available accounts, a normal American kestrel. Optimized more for diving than sustained hovering, Short wears several amulets in order to create enough lift to bat. Critics of Short and the Magic’s playstyle have called into question whether this counts as illegal use of performance-enhancing boons. There has been no response from the ILB on the topic.


Short’s most significant media appearances have been as the face of an effort to conserve kestrel populations in the United States. They were the face of the “What Is Happening? How Did I Get Here?” campaign during the Grand Siesta, named for the first words Short spoke upon arriving in Yellowstone. The campaign was focused on understanding the cause of recent sharp declines in kestrel population over the last 50 years, something Short themself remains confused on. In interviews, Short has stated:

“Huh? What? I don’t know what you’re talking about. Is this a game? No? Okay. Is there a game tomorrow? Oh. I don’t know why there are fewer of us. I guess you could look it up. Oh, okay. Maybe you should find out. Hey, when do games start again?”

Dawnfeathers (talkcontribs)

I love that Bonk has Chorby's back that Quack is not a threat! I think this would make a fine IRM addition to the character personally, though I'm not the one in charge of the birdverse series.

I can't really think of any nitpicks I have at the moment, but I'll shoot another reply if anything comes to mind!

Swirl (talkcontribs)

This looks cute, I like the choice of a particularly small bird to keep on par with the usual frog!Chorby's diminutive size. Would you say it's likely that kestrel!Chorby hatched from a particularly warm egg?

Zigzagian (talkcontribs)

This looks great! It's got my seal of approval!

CrookedSaint (talkcontribs)

Thanks everyone! Posted!

Phasmantistes (talkcontribs)

Thanks for posting this IRM, we love it! I intend to move it to a different IRM number; the designation "IF-13.1.12-D" is used by one particular member of the Magic community to indicate their "ornithomancy" posts. While this IRM and its interpretation of Chorby as a bird is wonderful, it isn't ornithomancy, so we'd appreciate if it could use a different ID, leaving this one open for a future ornithomancy post.

If there aren't any objections, I'll rename the entry in 24 hours. Thanks!

CrookedSaint (talkcontribs)

I don't object at all! I only used the one I did because I was told to keep it grouped with the other bird rumors. I have no attachment to the numbering and I'm happy to have that be a Magic team conversation!

Cuttlefishman (talkcontribs)

Just seeing this now and want to say I love it as a concientious break from froggie Chorby IRM