Topic on Talk:Beasley Day

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IRM: Beasley Day, middling blaseball player and unsuccessful streamer

Cass (talkcontribs)

Beasley Day is a video game streamer and hitter for the Pies. Though she is better known for her role as the latter, her identity is clearly more based around the former, and she views blaseball as a side gig or hobby. Most of her views come from fans of her blaseball career, though they rarely subscribe given the poor recording quality, poor interactions with viewers, and poor gameplay. She will frequently tell viewers the times that she will be streaming live, but promptly forget those times, alienating whatever fans she might have had.

The Worst Beasley Day of Her Life

One day, Day was mid-stream when Farrell Seagull crashed through her window in a barely-controlled dive, spraying shards of glass and grey-brown feathers just absolutely everywhere, like those of the Dunnock (also known as a ‘hedge sparrow’, a small bird with unusual breeding habits).

“Oh no no no, what the hell are you doing?” screamed Beasley, backing away as Farrell thrashed wildly on the floor, absolutely goddamn shredding the cables she had collided with. “Farrell, Farrell, what the hell! You broke my window!” repeated Beasley as Farrell righted herself awkwardly, erratically preening her feathers. She eyed the terrified Beasley beadily, letting out a quiet “wark-wark” warning call, before turning her mind to her favorite pastime: theft, which Beasley would have known if she’d talked to any of her teammates for like, more than a minute, because Farrell would have been described as “the least sexy cryptid imaginable” by Philly Pies Hamilton stan Lang Richardson, or “ow”,“what the hell, man”,”where’d my BMX go” by the late Jessica Telephone.

Farrell began rummaging through Beasley’s belongings, snatching and swallowing anything shiny or interesting she spotted. She would pellet those out later, like an owl, hawk, or heron once she got back to her nest. Her nest, by the way, was a large wattle and daub platform hidden in the rafters of the Tastykake stadium constructed of stolen baseball bats, spit, and other stolen materials (like Beasley day’s HDMI cables or Telephone’s skateboards), and was largely left alone by everyone involved with the stadium out of absolute fear and / or absolute ignorance.

“Hey! Hey, stop that!” pleaded Beasley, waving her branded gaming gloves at Farrell as she moved to stop her cracking open and disemboweling original VHS copies of Sailor Moon. “Those were expensive! Please! I need them as background props, for my streams!” hollered Beasley. “God damn! F**k!”. Beasley couldn’t cuss, because it affected her hypothetical ad revenue.

Farrell, now thoroughly wrapped in VHS tape and having determined that it wasn’t edible fixed her horrid little eyes on Beasley, and proceeded to scream like a baby bird opening its beaks really wide and screaming at its parent for food, but in a really mocking manner. Then she said some curse words in a bird language that Day didn’t understand and ruffled her feathers, emitting a massive cloud of dust and diatomaceous earth.

Beasley, reaching her absolute limit, hurled a small figurine of a busty catgirl (given to her by Nic Mora) at Farrell, which exploded into a cloud of plastic maid outfit and Farrell feathers, causing Farrell to shriek more half-learnt curse words and leap back out the window, grabbing one of Beasley’s monitors in her powerful claws on the way, instantly making it more of a collectors item to blaseball fans.

Beasley’s apartment never recovered, and she soon moved in with Mora, even though she didn’t really want to because Mora’s kind of awful, but on the plus side it also meant Farrell never bothered her again. Farrell, on the other wing, warbled happily from her nest for the next few days before she decided to ruin someone elses life.

Cass (talkcontribs)

I tried to include most of Snerkus' work as an anecdote for an important point in Day's life, but cleaned it up to remove editorials.