Theodore Honeywell/IF-84.755

Rumor / Community Lore
This article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community. It is just one of many Rumors that we've found in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill. You can find more Rumors about Theodore Honeywell at their Rumor Registry.

Theodore Honeywell is an ordinary adult Kodiak brown bear, weighing 482 kg (1063 lbs) and measuring 238 cm (7 ft 10 in) long. He has a similar diet and mannerisms to his wild counterparts. Honeywell can only communicate with his body language and occasional growls, because he does not speak any language to communicate with, because he is bear. When referring to Honeywell, his teammates usually use nicknames, such as “Teddy”, “Theo”, or “Dad”.

Fatherhood

Honeywell is the proud father of three cubs, named Grr, Grrraar, and Marcus Honeywell. Honeywell’s children have been blaseball fans all their lives, so when Honeywell spotted an open application for a new Internet League team, he filed the paperwork to join the Tokyo Lift. However, because the team already had a complete roster at the time of application, Honeywell had to wait in the shadows for nearly eleven seasons. When he was called up by voicemail in season 21, Honeywell made sure he partied enough to secure his place on the team’s active roster. He wanted to make his cubs proud.

Despite the language barrier between Honeywell and everyone around him, everyone collectively agrees that Honeywell has an innate “air of dadliness”. Fans and fellow players have reported feeling comfortable and safe around Honeywell, and getting the idea that Honeywell was proud of them after good plays. Honeywell’s “nice vibes” (as described by Yusef Fenestrate) made him easily likable, quickly becoming a friend of the whole team. Grr, Grrraar, and Marcus live with Honeywell in the Legscraper’s garden.

Play Style

Being a Kodiak bear, Honeywell naturally plays blaseball in very unique ways. Because he can’t hold a bat or properly throw a ball, Honeywell instead opts to swat at the ball in the general direction he wants it to go. This is surprisingly effective.

Honeywell also doesn’t seem to completely understand the splort. It’s unclear whether he knows that he’s supposed to stay on-base, as he often wanders away only to get caught stealing. He occasionally tries to hunt Salmon or eat grass in the outfield, but other than those isolated incidents Honeywell is a very competent fielder. This contrast in skill and knowledge of the game has confused many fans, but Honeywell doesn’t seem to mind.