Team Scouting Reports

From Blaseball Wiki

Team Scouting Reports were added to the Blaseball website during Fall Ball, detailing the history of each Team as of the end of the Expansion Era. Each Scouting Report featured three bullet points: one detailing the Team's performance, one detailing the Team's history, and one offering trivia about one of the Team's Players.

Kansas City Breath Mints

  • Viral sensations, the Breath Mints enjoyed middling results for most of the Discipline and Expansion Eras, before finally claiming the Season 22 Championship. The Breath Mints.
  • The Breath Mints were the first Team to be Incinerated by a Rogue Umpire in Season 24. They were sent to the Hall of Flame.
  • Former star Player Leach Ingram returned from Elsewhere in the bottom of the 8th Inning of the final game of the Season 22 Internet Series, hitting a home run and securing the Breath Mints their Championship.

Baltimore Crabs

  • A bottom-of-the-barrel Team in Season 1, the Crabs clawed their way to the top to claim 5 Championships, the most titles won by a single Team over the course of the past two Eras.
  • After becoming the first Team to win 3 Championships in the Discipline Era, the Crabs Ascended. They would later Return in a Fan-made crisis known as the Breach.
  • In Season 10, during an Internet Series game against the Charleston Shoe Thieves, former star Player Tot Fox hit a home run that blew up the Sun, destroyed the Moon, and opened a Black Hole (weather).

Miami Dale

  • Favorite Team of the Anchor, the Dale became the Life of the Party in Season 6, providing extra Boosts to their Players when eliminated from Postseason contention. Can they bring the festivities to the new Era?
  • The Dale went 15 Seasons before making the Postseason, the longest drought in Blaseball history.
  • In Season 8, former star Player Raúl Leal became the first Player to kill an Umpire, using a legendary bat to protect their teammate Beck Whitney from Incineration.

Chicago Firefighters

  • Hailing from Chicago, the Season 5 Internet Series Champions are well-known across the ILB for their fiery competition, and for being from Chicago.
  • In Season 8, facing the San Francisco Lovers, the Chicago Firefighters became the first Team to allow 0 Runs and still lose, thanks to the effects of the Shame Bubble Blessing. Final Score: Negative 1 to 0.
  • Former star Player Declan Suzanne holds the record for most allergic reactions suffered, after eating 3 Peanuts.

Boston Flowers

Hawai'i Fridays

Seattle Garages

  • Despite 8 Postseason appearances, the Garages are 0-4 in Internet Series, losing more Championships than any other Team in Blaseball. Can they finally bring down the house?
  • The Garages hold the record for the largest active roster in known ILB History, totaling 20 Players in Season 17.
  • Former star Player Jaylen Hotdogfingers became the first Player of the Discipline Era to be Incinerated by a Rogue Umpire. Later, in Season 6, Jaylen became the first Player to be Returned from the dead via Necromancy, causing former Garages star Mike Townsend to retreat to the Shadows. Mass Instability and Incinerations followed.

Atlantis Georgias

  • An Expansion Era addition, the Atlantis Georgias joined the League during the Breach event of Season 12. Despite being 4x Champions in REDACTED, the Georgias struggled to stay afloat in the ILB, failing to make an Internet Series. Can they turn the tide?
  • Lifted up by their Fans, the Georgias became the first known Team to touch down in the Desert, also known as Blaseball 0.
  • In order to fulfill a Debt, former star Player Niq Nyong'o hit Dimi Blather with a pitch, causing them to be Observed, and then Redacted. Blather was Deceased at the time of Redaction. This is the only known Redaction of a Deceased Player.

Breckenridge Jazz Hands

  • The Jazz Hands were Postseason regulars in the Discipline Era, but have struggled to capture their former glory in recent Seasons. Can they bring back the razzle dazzle?
  • The Jazz Hands appeared in the first seven consecutive Postseasons of the Discipline Era, the longest streak of Postseason appearances prior to the induction of the Wild Card Round.
  • During a first-round elimination game in the Season 5 Postseason, former star Player Comfort Septemberish stole home to Shame the Hades Tigers and deny the Tigers' Ascension.

Tokyo Lift

  • After joining the ILB when the Crabs Ascended, the Lift slowly made gains, finding results in their Season 19 Championship, notable for being the Season in which the Teams with the fewest Wins qualified for the Postseason.
  • The Lift hold the lowest win percentage of all active ILB Teams with 42.68%
  • Former Lift star Wyatt Quitter Echoed into Static.

San Francisco Lovers

  • Despite being known for their Charm, the Lovers have struggled in previous Eras, coming closest to a Championship with their 3-1 defeat at the hands of the Mexico City Wild Wings in Season 7. Can they finally go all the way?
  • During a Season 9 Game against the Breckenridge Jazz Hands, a problem involving Birds prevented a third out from ending the top half of the 12th Inning, resulting in the Lovers taking an 21 at-bats, scoring 7 additional Runs, and accumulating 16 additional Outs. Helga Moreno was caught stealing to change the side.
  • Former star Player Don Mitchell became the first Player to demonstrate a Modification, when Reverb weather caused Don to Reverberate wildly and bat for themself. Repeated opportunities to get on Base resulted in Mitchell becoming the all-time leader in Stolen Bases, with 1572.

Yellowstone Magic

  • The Magic's tricks were few and far between over the last two Eras, failing to win a single Blessing until Season 8 and managing to pull only 6 Postseason appearances out of their hats over 2 Eras. Can the Magic put the ILB under their spell?
  • On opening day of Season 12, in one at bat, Chorby Short hit 112 foul balls before striking out looking in a standoff with PolkaDot Patterson.
  • In Season 7, star Player Inky Rutledge pitched the first no-hitter recorded in the Discipline Era. Inky would go on to pitch the 2nd no-hitter only 30 Games later.

Core Mechanics

  • An Expansion Era addition, the Mechanics joined the League during the Breach event of Season 12. They quickly got to work, rebuilding their Lineup and fine-tuning their Rotation, capturing two Championships in Seasons 18 and 20.
  • The Mechanics hold three additional Championships, previously won in REDACTED, bringing their total to 5.
  • In Season 19, during a Game against the Dallas Steaks, and with the majority of the Roster sent Elsewhere, former star Player Kelvin Drumsolo found themself the only Batter in the Mechanics' Lineup. Drumsolo would bat in a triple, while simultaneously occupying every Base.

New York Millennials

Canada Moist Talkers

  • The Moist Talkers were perennial contenders in the Discipline Era, but Expansion saw them really talk spit, evolve their game and come through in the clutch to win 3 Championships.
  • The Moist Talkers' offense is known for spraying it all over the Field, maintaining the fewest strikeouts of the Discipline Era's original 20 Teams.
  • Former star Player PolkaDot Patterson grew 77 Fingers thanks to a Blessing won by Moist Talkers Fans during the Season 1 Election. Patterson would go on to become one of the best Pitchers of the Discipline Era.

Philly Pies

  • The Pies came out of the Oven piping hot, nearly completing back-to-back undefeated Postseason runs in Seasons 1 and 2, dropping only a single game to the Charleston Shoe Thieves on the way to securing their first two Championships. But despite being the heavy favorites for Ascension, the Pies' playoff ambitions cooled off quickly, as they have yet to return to the Internet Series. Can you trust the crust?
  • The Pies' offense lead the League in OPS, doubles, total bases, batting average and slugging over the first two Eras.
  • Former star Player Nerd Pacheco became the first Player in known history to swallow a Peanut and suffer a super-allergic reaction. Nerd was later Moved to the Shadows.

Charleston Shoe Thieves

  • The Shoe Thieves are dangerous in the Postseason. Well-known playoff spoilers, the Shoe Thieves claimed their first Championship in Season 9, defeating the Baltimore Crabs in a thrilling Internet Series rally, before losing the rematch in Season 10.
  • The Shoe Thieves were the first ILB franchise to contest a God. The Shoe Thieves lost, and were Cursed as punishment.
  • Former star Player Esme Ramsey was the first ILB Player to be Haunted by the dead.

Houston Spies

  • Sneaky Postseason operators, the Spies have made the playoffs 11 out of a possible 23 times over the past two Eras. Still, a Spies Championship remains Missing-in-Action. Will they achieve their mission? Intel says: Spies REDACTED!
  • The Spies lead the League in home runs, with 3484, over 100 more than the 2nd place Team, the Dallas Steaks.
  • Former star Player Fitzgerald Blackburn holds the record for most Home Runs hit during a single Postseason, with 10 blasts in Season 16.

Dallas Steaks

  • While the Steaks tend to make a meal out of the Regular Seasons, they've had trouble staying hot in the playoffs, failing to advance past the quarterfinals in their first 7 appearances. Fortunately some strategic Electoral organizing before Season 16 put the franchise in prime position, leading to a league-leading 73 win Season and their first Championship. Well done!
  • The Steaks have won the Championship every season they have gotten past the quarter-finals. This is rare however, with 1 championship and 8 first round exits.
  • In the Season 1 Election, former star Player Jessica Telephone received the legendary bat The Dial Tone along with Boosts to hitting ability, thanks to the MAX OUT BATTER Blessing won by Fans.

Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams

  • The highest scoring Team in ILB History, the Sunbeams' last-in-the-League Defense has kept them at .500, boasting a Record of 1142-1143. They reached their peak in a chaotic Season 11, relying on their Base Instincts to claim the franchise's first Championship.
  • The Sunbeams were formerly known as the Moab Sunbeams. Until the Moab Desert was swallowed by a Hellmouth after Season 1.
  • The Sunbeams have boasted multiple league leaders in their ranks. Former star Player Hahn Fox leads the ILB in RBIs, Runs Scored and Times Caught Stealing. Former star Player Nagomi Nava, holder of the ILB League Record for Walks, was the first ILB Player to Walk in 3 Runs at once.

LA Unlimited Tacos

  • Last place in the Season 1 Standings, the Tacos narrowly escaped Relegation when Fans chose to open the Book instead. But Seasons of hard work and Snackrifice paid off in Season 17, when the Tacos swept the Hawai'i Fridays to claim their first Internet Series Championship.
  • The Tacos' entire roster briefly became Wyatt Mason. This was later resolved.
  • Former star Pitcher Lee Davenport gave up the Grand Unslam to former Shoe Thief Morrow Doyle. The Grand Unslam weakened the Bridge, which then resulted in space-time tearing over LA when the Microphone lifted, which then resulted in the creation of Los Angeli and the Tacos becoming Unlimited.

Hades Tigers

  • All the Team from WAY-down-under does is Win, holding the record for most Wins in Blaseball, with 1275 victories collected across Discipline and Expansion Eras and 3 Championships.
  • The Tigers hold a 3-2 Internet Series record. Both losses were to the Baltimore Crabs.
  • In Season 3's Internet Series against the New York Millennials, former star Player Landry Violence was Incinerated by a Rogue Umpire. Fans chanted "Rest in Violence" in Landry's honor. The Tigers would go on to win the Game and claim their first Internet Series title.

Mexico City Wild Wings

  • Sometimes Wild, sometimes Mild, the Wild Wings have lost more Games than any other Team in known History, but they've also made 6 Postseason appearances and claimed the Season 7 Championship. Can they bring the heat
  • Controversy around a potential Team name change resulted in [REDACTED UPON ADVICE OF COUNSEL].
  • Late in Season 13, despite getting zero run support, Former star Player Burke Gonzalez [sic] secured a win with a walk-off strikeout. Final score: 0 to negative 0.3.

Ohio Worms

  • An Expansion Era addition, the Worms joined the League during the Breach event of Season 12. 4-time Champions in REDACTED, the Worms found themselves down in the dirt in their first ILB Seasons. Can they come out of their shells and wriggle their way to a Championship in the new Era?
  • In Season 13, the Worms were eliminated from Postseason contention after only 67 games, setting a new record for Partytime Speedrun.
  • Former star Player Lenny Crumb hit a solo-shot Home Run in their first ILB at-bat.

Trivia