Talk:Zoey Kirchner

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Page cleanup 2: Remove IRM and consolidate

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Hillexed2 (talkcontribs)

We have three versions of essentially the same page right now with many of the same details; let's consolidate them into a single section for now so we can add zoey's history with the steaks and the zo-yo

Hillexed2 (talkcontribs)

To make sure there were no problems like there have been in the past I waited five days instead of the normal 24 hours, but it looks like there are no objections.

Summary by Hillexed2

added

LexaByteNV (talkcontribs)

When Zoey Kirchner was only 14 years old, they escaped an unhealthy living environment and found their way Down to the Core. Though never knowing their parents, Kirchner saw their name "Zoey" as a gift from their parents and chose not let it go despite associations with the feminine gender. "Zoey" wasn't a girl's name, it was THEIR name. Kirchner found interest in biomechanics stemming from an interest in biology and in helping people. Biology came as a natural interest for Kirchner as they desired to make their body truly their own and relieve body dysphoria. Multiple bio-modifications paved a path for Kirchner to feel more comfortable in their own skin and also included some subtle changes such as bio-luminescent freckles in place of the ones their had since birth.
Starting around the age of 16, Kirchner found a new obsession, pitching blaseball. Having the chance to speak with the then-captain of the Core Mechanics, Kirchner was at a loss for words due to anxiety. When the coach began using sign language in response to Kirchner's silence, Kirchner knew that pitching was a real option for them; they finished out the conversation in sign. Kirchner went into overdrive, practicing their pitching constantly and making use of their mathematical skills to enhance their performance. Calculating angles and predicting how batters respond came naturally to Kirchner. They had sketched diagrams of pitches performed by skilled players containing notes such as "three fingers on the ball until about 50% of the way through" and took every daily single practice session to their absolute limits. All of this eventually became a form of stress relief for Kirchner. One day, far before Kirchner had expected or was ready, they were scouted by the very same aforementioned Mechs' captain. "Zoey Kirchner has a level of fire and passion you can't miss."

Summary by Hillexed2

no responses for two days, so i've merged them into a single page, added an 'other interpretations' section at the bottom, and added the backstory for Topic:W9ruhnbcpd75hcpw

Hillexed2 (talkcontribs)

We have two very similar IRMS right now with almost the exact same content. I'd like to merge them together into one single page, and add the backstory from Topic:W9ruhnbcpd75hcpw as a new "backstory" section above the personality description.

As a separate thing, if the Steaks are OK with the above IRM merging, are they OK with moving the compiled entry off full-page IRM, and to a single non-IRM page? If there's multiple conflicting appearances people want to add in the future, we could use an IRM paragraph for that section of the page.

Summary by Hillexed2

Objections were raised, so IRM isn't being deleted.

Hillexed2 (talkcontribs)

I'd like to remove the IRM from this player's page. We're a new team and we haven't come to a consensus about using IRM yet, but there IS a growing consensus, and having everyone's ideas in one page means they all get equal footing and can build off one another. The existing proposals are all very similar, and I think to avoid confusing newcomers we can include all of the ideas from all of them in one single page.

Beelijah (talkcontribs)

The team has already agreed we want to use a lot of IRM, and it would be inappropriate to remove the stuff that has already been put up

Summary by Hillexed2

Two similar IRMs are now up!

Beelijah (talkcontribs)

Background

Zoey Kirchner joined the Core Mechanics after the team's decension, and has reportedly been a source of friction among the team ever since. Lineup player Lady Matsuyama has been quoted as calling Kirchner "the worst pitcher ever to grace the league, so bad you don't even understand, definitely don't look at her stats or star count. We're doing the league a favor by holding on to her, you definitely don't want her on your team" and "creator of the most atrocious parking jobs [she] has ever seen."

Kirchner is known to trash talk the opposing team, threaten to start physical fights, and cackle in a manor that witnesses have described as "evil, but maybe trying too hard." He has adopted Evelton McBlase II as a "henchman" because he is reportedly "definitely super evil and a jerk. Totally evil enough to have a henchman." An anonymous poster alleging to be one of Zoey's teammates has reported that Kirchner "isn't actually that bad" and that she is "just way to into the heel thing."

Kirchner has been seen littering on the field, spitting gum, and double parking. She is self-reportedly "the biggest jerk in Blaseball, even worse than that dead guy." When asked what "dead guy" they were referring to, Kirchner insisted that they were tool cool to know his name, and then climbed out a nearby window to escape further questions. After Splorts Illlustrated reported that Kirchner had been seen helping assisting the cleaning crew after a game, he sued them for defamation and libel.

Blood

Zoey Kirchner has pure acid blood, and uses custom non-corrosive equipment designed by Shirai McElroy while on the field. The Mechanics keep a bottle of antacids in order to protect themselves from Kirchner's touch if they wish to give him celebratory hugs after a win, however, this happens rarely, as Zoey Kirchner is an objectively terrible pitcher [citation needed].

Art

Kirchner has been deeply involved with historical preservation of the Core and the Pillars stadium, and is a hobby sculptor. When pressed for comment, she has insisted that it is "all for the tax write-off, I actually hate art." However, Kirchner has demonstrably never paid any taxes in her life. Despite his alleged distaste for art, Kirchner has spearheaded several public works projects and has been personally involved with the restoration of several pieces that were thought to be lost or irreparable.

Hillexed2 (talkcontribs)

Zoey Kirchner joined the Core Mechanics after the team's descension, and the opposing team has been worse off ever since.

Personality

Kirchner is highly competitive and known for his large ego, hotheaded personality, and dramatic, overconfident trash talk. Kirchner can often be seen mocking the opposing batters, bragging that she's number one, or mocking her teammates for failing to live up to her standard. In between innings, Kirchner can occasionally be found worrying about her teammates' feelings and apologizing preemptively in case she goes too far.

Kirchner has a not at all fierce rivalry with every player on his team simultaneously. "Zero stars Zoey", according to one anonymous wheelchair-bound Core Mechanic, is "the worst pitcher ever to grace the league" and "creator of the most atrocious parking jobs I've ever seen." When asked, Zoey responded "Please. I outpitch all of them combined." and walked off with an evil cackle.

After Season 13, he has adopted Evelton McBlase II as a "henchman" to aid with "definitely super evil jerk things. I deserve a henchman for being so evil."

Kirchner's rude mannerisms know no bounds, including littering on the field, spitting gum, double-parking, "stealing all my snacks to replace them with non-moldy ones", and making faces at players when their backs are turned. While some fans claim to have seen Kirchner sneaking into the Core Pillars after hours to clean this litter up, these rumors are patently untrue and completely inconsistent with Kirchner's clear contempt for those not on her level.

Acidic body

Blaseballs and untreated materials begin dissolving upon contact with Zoey's body. While some say that this is due to her acidic blood, the more likely explanation is that the materials voluntarily choose to degrade upon exposure to Kirchner's toxic personality. Kirchner is so much of a loser he uses custom equipment such as gloves and a fiberglass mitt designed by Shirai McElroy, clearly donated out of pity for her terrible performance, while on the field.

When Kirchner wins a game, the Mechanics have a tradition of dunking themselves in acid proofing and running onto the pitch to give a celebratory hug. However, this rarely happens, as Zoey Kirchner is objectively a terrible pitcher.

Hobbies

Kirchner claims to live purely for the splort, thriving off her natural talent. However, Zoey can be seen spending long hours practicing after every game to alleviate worries of disappointing fans.

Kirchner is a hobby sculptor, using his acidic arms to cut through materials like stone with ease. Kirchner has also been deeply involved with historical preservation of the Core and the Pillars stadium. Kirchner has spearheaded several public works projects and has been personally involved with the restoration of several pieces that were thought to be lost or irreparable. Kirchner insists that she's "only interested for tax purposes. I hate art.", however, this is clearly a lie as Kirchner has demonstrably never paid any taxes in her life.

Beelijah (talkcontribs)

I would change wheelchair-bound' to 'wheelchair-using' or a similar phrase. I think these are different enough that they merit being separate articles? I was gonna write a 2nd one that is basically what you've done with your version

Hillexed2 (talkcontribs)

oh, I just redid this to sound more neutral per your and cheshire's advice


Zoey Kirchner joined the Core Mechanics as a pitcher after the team's decension.

Personality

Zoey is highly competitive and known for their stage persona of a dramatic, overconfident hotheaded personality. Kirchner can often be seen mocking the opposing batters, bragging that she's number one, or mocking her teammates for failing to live up to her standard. In between innings, Kirchner can occasionally be found worrying about her teammates' feelings and apologizing preemptively in case she goes too far.

Kirchner has a playful rivalry with every player on her team simultaneously due to her competitive streak. "Zero stars Zoey", according to one Lady Matsuyama, is "the worst pitcher ever to grace the league. So bad you don't understand. Don't even bother looking at her stats - absolutely awful. It's all lies." When asked about this comment, Zoey smiled and responded "Please. I outpitch all of them combined," walking off with an evil cackle.

After Season 13, he has adopted Evelton McBlase II as a "henchman" to aid with "definitely super evil jerk things. I deserve a henchman for being so evil."

While on the field, Kirchner's rude mannerisms know no bounds, including littering on the field, spitting gum, double-parking, loitering under "no loitering" signs, "stealing all my snacks to replace them with non-moldy ones", and making faces at players when their backs are turned. Some fans claim to have seen Kirchner sneaking into the Core Pillars after hours to clean this litter up, however Kirchner denies these rumors.

Acidic body

Kirchner's body is acidic, causing many untreated materials such as blaseballs to dissolve on contact. Kirchner uses custom chemical-resistant equipment such as gloves and a fiberglass mitt designed by Shirai McElroy on the field.

When Kirchner wins a game, the Mechanics have a tradition of dunking themselves in acid proofing and running onto the pitch to give a celebratory hug. However, this rarely happens, as Zoey Kirchner is objectively a terrible pitcher [citation needed].

Hobbies

Kirchner claims to live purely for the splort, thriving off their natural talent. However, she can be seen spending long hours practicing after every game to alleviate worries of disappointing fans.

Kirchner is a hobby sculptor, using their acidic arms to cut through materials like stone with ease. Kirchner has also been deeply involved with historical preservation of the Core and the Pillars stadium. Kirchner has spearheaded several public works projects and has been personally involved with the restoration of several pieces that were thought to be lost or irreparable. Kirchner insists that she's "only interested for tax purposes. I hate art.", however, this is clearly a lie as Kirchner has demonstrably never paid any taxes in her life.

Bililun (talkcontribs)

Lady's link is messed up- I think it's just switched around which one's the link and which is the text. It's also unclear who's saying "stealing all my snacks to replace them with non-moldy ones" (especially since there's a first-person pronoun).

The more neutral tone is good IMO and doesn't lose the comedy.

Hillexed2 (talkcontribs)

good catch! any suggestions for a different goofy crime for Zoey to have committed?

Bililun (talkcontribs)

I don't think the crime itself is the issue- it's a fun one! just phrasing it as sort of a quote but not an attributed quote. options would be to make it not at all a quote, or make it super definitely a quote:

... loitering under "no loitering" signs, stealing teammates' snacks to replace them with non-moldy ones, and making faces at players ...

... loitering under "no loitering" signs, "stealing all my snacks to replace them with non-moldy ones" (as accused by [insert teammate, maybe Lady or Adelaide?]), and making faces at players ...


Hillexed2 (talkcontribs)

I tried making it not at all a quote.

Inumo (talkcontribs)

The wiki mods were alerted to the installation of the IRM without prior discussion to this page. At time of discovery, it was empty with default settings for the full page. The installation was performed by Beelijah, who can reinstall the IRM after 24 hours if there are no objections (though we recommend waiting to install the IRM until there are actually entries to fill it with).

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