Talk:Henry Marshallow

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Baliset (talkcontribs)

IRM proposal for a version of Henry I've written fic about!

Henry "Hank" Marshallow was a botany student at Washington State University who (per reports from classmates) went mysteriously missing during a routine trip to collect samples from Yesler Swamp. Visitors to the swamp in concurrent years sometimes reported seeing or hearing what appeared to be a distressed, drowning figure in the swamp, which was always gone by the time anyone reached it to assist.

The "bog body" was not formally identified as Hank Marshallow until it emerged from Yesler Swamp sometime during the great return of Internet Blaseball and began attending Seattle Garages games with some frequency. Despite self-admittedly having no prior experience playing Blaseball, Hank told reporters on Season 3, Day 80 that they felt called to approach the field in Derrick Krueger's absence since "the game was already going so badly, pretty much anybody could finish it, you know?" The Garages welcomed Hank, who continued to be a part of the pitching rotation until its feedback to the Pies in Season 9.

In an interview given to Splorts Illustrated over the Grand Siesta, Hank is quoted as "adjusting to Philly pretty well, I think? There's a lot of swampland in the Appalachians I'm excited to see, and I've been going caving a bunch. Plus the Pies have way better food than the Garages, everything in the Garage kitchen sucked after Mike left." Hank is also a self-described scene kid, and can often be spotted at concert venues or raves around Philadelphia while not pitching or at practice. It holds the current ESBN title of "Tackiest Dresser Off The Field", and seems to do so proudly.

Cass (talkcontribs)

deletum

Snerkus (talkcontribs)

this is funny I like it

Inumo (talkcontribs)

Moderators were contacted about this (former) IRM entry as a potential point of concern. We reached out to Cass, who had independently discovered during the feedback period that the entry was read as insulting to some members of the community and thus had no intent on finalizing it on the wiki. We have deleted it in keeping with Cass' wishes.

IRM: Henry Marshallow, Marshmallow at large

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StarryNavigator (talkcontribs)

Now that Hank has an IRM, I figured I'd throw in an entry for his Twitter counterpart.


Henry Marshallow is a sentient marshmallow, standing at 2" tall. No one is quite sure how he manages to pitch the ball, only that one moment there is not a ball, and suddenly there is one hurtling towards the batter. Communicating with Marshallow requires his publicist to be nearby to translate, as it is difficult to discern what he is saying through all the uwus. Rumors suggest he got his tattoo of a heart on his body by killing a man, but any time reporters attempt to ask, they are overwhelmed by his cuteness and are unable to inquire further.

EmuWarVet (talkcontribs)

Gonna throw in an entry for the IRM for Staybufft Henry too:

Henry Marshmallow, Staybufft Marshmallow Product Rep:

Mascot for the Staybufft workout line of protein marshmallows, Henry is notable for two things. First, the ever popular tagline for Stabufft Marshmallows "Staybufft! The Puff that makes you Buff!" which was accompanied by Henry's first ad campaign, depicting him bursting bodily through ever more improbable materials to deliver Staybufft Marshmallows to people struggling with feats of strength. Second, an unfortunate affair in downtown New York where, after ingesting an incredible amount of New Formula Staybufft (A product quickly pulled from shelves after it was determined to essentially be just giant cylinders of solid sugar), Henry Marshmallow grew to gigantic proportions, scaled the Empire State Building and attempted to bench press the observation deck, until finally being sedated by a passing Zoology Blimp that was bored. While no one blames Henry for the incident, his now yearly tradition of recreating the event for children's charity has endeared him to the hearts of many.

IRM: Henry Marshallow, world's greatest pitcher

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Razura (talkcontribs)

I have wanted to add this for so long.


Henry “Hank” Marshallow the world’s greatest pitcher and former member of the Seattle Garages, is notably anti-union and has voiced his hatred over the unionizing of his backing band, the Mini Marshmallows. This is in stark contrast to the notably pro-union Garages, who have even unionized their mascots.

Marshallow is famously an established baritone, an aspiring tenor, and most notably an incredible athlete, an aspect that has been well-documented to have begun early in his life. Marshallow’s marshmallow condition, in which he is a marshmallow, often resulted in him being the target of bullying. Recounting his time in the minor leagues, Marshallow discussed an interaction with a heckling fan who shouted, “HEY MARSHMALLOW MAN! WE’RE GONNA ROAST YOU! WE’RE GONNA MAKE YOU INTO A S’MORE!” Not discouraged in the least, Marshmallow replied, “YOU KNOW WHAT, DUDE I DARE YOU. IF YOU TRIED TO MAKE ME A S’MORE AND EAT ME, YOUR BODY WOULD NEED TO BE, LIKE, 20% INSULIN! SO YOU CAN TRY AND MAKE ME A S’MORE BUT I’M GONNA LIKE WRECK YOUR PANCREAS IF YOU DO!” Everyone in the stands stood up and clapped.

There was good news following Marshallow’s recounted story, as he decided to apologize for his previous comments and would make a large donation to the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. He then gave a shout out to everyone with Type 1 Diabetes, including Nick Jonas, Ethen Geller[Who?], Justice Sonia Sotomayor, who he described as “all champions”.

Henry Marshallow is also noted for discussing the importance of the impact film can have on culture. In the movie Ghostbusters, the famous Stay Puft Marshmallow Man was defeated by the protagonists in a climactic battle in New York City, home of the Millennials. Marshallow claimed that if he were in Ghostbusters instead of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, he would have won. Bill Murray, the actor who played Peter Venkman, would have been impressed by his performance and said, “Ah man we were gonna ghostbust you but you’re like really chill! Do you want to make more movies with me?” This would have lead to Marshallow becoming a movie star, and possibly even president.

Henry “Hank” Marshallow would have been the 41st president of the United States, denying Ronald Reagan a second term. The benefits of this would have been immeasurable, including the fact that the Iran-Contra affair would not have occurred, he would have defunded the CIA, and the entire geopolitical landscape would be different.

New Lore for Henry in Philly

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Sham (talkcontribs)

The pies have workshopped some new lore to help integrate marshallow into the team. As Ruslan Greatness already played as number 94, Marshallow now augments his tattoo by having a teammate add a 3rd number which changes based on who adds it. This works as it adds to the existing Lore of him having his number tattooed on his chest while also connecting him to the other pies and resolves the fact that him and Ruslan share a number

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