Stijn Strongbody/Rumor Registry

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Stijn Strongbody has 2 Rumors written about so far.

Stijn Strongbody/IF-1667

The waters beyond this point are uncharted, tales from distant shores echoed back into our reality.


The following accounts can be traced to a single leather-bound journal originally found in a locked wooden chest alongside a sextant-like device of indeterminate origin and a shell that matches no known species of mollusc. The chest was located in a storage room in the Legscraper’s lower levels that was described as “smelling faintly of the sea”. Subsequent attempts to locate and navigate to said room have been unsuccessful thus far. The journal details the exploits of the crew of a large sailing vessel, The Tokyo Adrift, descriptions of which are largely consistent with mid-17th century galleons.

With The Tokyo Adrift

Captain Stijn Strongbody commanded The Tokyo Adrift and its crew. While the ship’s original purpose is uncertain, it is known from several entries in the journal that the Adrift spent a significant amount of time on mussel cultivation. Evidently, mussels grown in the medium of the Immateria that the Adrift sailed on were highly sought after in the ports frequented by the crew. Whilst general descriptions in the journal are vague, there was at least one recorded instance in which a pearl from one such mussel was described as “cracking open from the inside, hatching a [UNCLEAR]”, with the subsequent words being smudged beyond legibility. The journal describes the captain as “spending entire nights in his study without extinguishing his lanterns, so deep was his focus on his research into these pearls”.

The writer notes that Captain Strongbody had a commanding presence about him, possibly owing to “his keen intellect and evident experience on the seas” or “the eight fully prehensile appendages that spring from his back”. The journal describes the captain as having a good working relationship with his crew, often utilising his tentacles to make short work of menial tasks that would otherwise be entrusted to the lowest ranking members aboard the ship. He was often willing to entrust the safety of the ship and crew to first mate Lance Serotonin during deep dives into his research or subaquatic caverns.

Strongbody was notably absent from the journal for at least 44 days, during which First Mate Serotonin was said to take command. Due to damage, is unknown if this is due to shore leave, a particularly enchanting project, or, most popularly speculated, apparent death. His appearance is described as non-specifically "different" after his return.

Strongbody was said to be at the helm during the events of 1667, being the first to spot the [REDACTED] on the horizon. With the extensive damage to the sails and rudder, the captain was unable to set a new course for the ship. His last recorded words were, “We’ve lost all control now, there’s nowhere to drift but…” (the remainder of the last page of the journal is torn away, rendering the rest of the sentence unreadable).

Stijn Strongbody/IF-68.412

Biographical Information


Stijn Strongbody was born in Antwerp to Belgian and Japanese mothers. After studying mathematics in Brussels and astrophysics in Singapore he settled in Tokyo to complete a PhD in cosmology. As an amateur weightlifter he was able to supplement his meagre student income by performing as a fairground strongman, and later in local wrestling promotions as heel character "The Abdominator".

The gentle, conflict-averse Strongbody was unconvincing as a villain and found it hard to engage the crowd. This changed during an undercard bout in Sapporo, where he debuted an experimental flex so powerful that spacetime briefly warped around him. When he regained consciousness Strongbody found he had lost the match and gained a second pair of arms almost identical to his original set.

His new limb configuration was a hit with wrestling fans but proved difficult to coordinate, leading to a string of embarrassing scenes both in the ring and on crowded public transport. Strongbody eventually took a twelve-month sabbatical from his day job at Japanese space agency JAXA for intense rehabilitation work with coach Lance Serotonin. Workout diaries from this period inform early chapters in Strongbody's subsequent book Exercise for Abnormal Body-Types.

On his return to JAXA Strongbody led a project analysing the orbital patterns of near-Earth asteroids. During Season 9 of the Internet League he abruptly resigned from this role to found the Tokyo Lift. Asked to explain his sudden career change he said only that "some things can't wait".

With the Tokyo Lift

Strongbody came to Blaseball with little experience of the splort and none at all of splorts administration, discounting a brief spell as President and sole member of the Singapore Five-Dimensional Chless Club. He approached Blaseball legend Nandy Slumps for advice in assembling a team, suggesting she might consider a term as interim coach. Slumps' first act was to sign herself as Star Pitcher; her second was to resign from the coaching position. This set the tone for an unconventional and seemingly scattershot recruitment process.

Officially listed as Captain of the Tokyo Lift, and semi-officially as Team Dad, Strongbody's day-to-day role often seemed closer to that of reluctant ringmaster. Career troublemaker Wyatt Quitter favoured the term "fun police", although the same player was ferocious in Strongbody's defence when a local newspaper called him "out of his depth" and "an overstretched kindergarten assistant in the body of a Mortal Kombat boss".

Under Strongbody's leadership the fledgling Lift made impressive gains both as individuals and as a team. Critics might point to the early roster of "A.I.s, time-travellers, sentient water bottles and whatever the heck Coolname Galvanic is" as being more suited to a science fiction adventure than a Blaseball field, but co-captain Lance Serotonin was always adamant that "Stijn knows exactly what he's doing". Neither could be drawn on reports that Strongbody's office featured a clock counting down years, days and hours to something called "Phase Three".

Serotonin's Season 16 Redaction was a huge blow to the team but above all to Strongbody, who relied heavily on his friend's counsel and player-management skills as intricate reality-modelling equations began to monopolise his own time.

Death and legacy

On Day 44 of Season 17 Strongbody was incinerated by a rogue umpire. There is some evidence that he had predicted this event, though perhaps not completed the calculations to his customary level of precision; sometime protégé Yusef Fenestrate later noticed that Day 44 was one of three ringed in red on Strongbody's office wall planner. Other players had noticed their captain frequently glancing skywards, checking both of his wristwatches and - uncharacteristically - attempting to call close friend, frequent collaborator and that day's opponent Math Velazquez between innings. One account gives his last words as "Oh, x cubed. That explains everyth-".

Never one for grandiose personal monuments, the Lift's founder is commemorated in smaller ways such as the annual Stijn Strongbody Community Litter Pick. Some of his thoughts on life, growth and captaincy are recorded in a short essay discovered shortly after his death. Through these touching words and his many achievements, Strongbody's example continues to inspire players and fans alike.


At the time of his death Strongbody held seven world records, including Most Rubik's Cubes solved in an hour while also doing pushups and Most pushups in an hour while also solving Rubik's Cubes. His unofficial fan club, the Stijn Stans, continue to march behind the slogan "double the pecs and ten times the heart".

Create New Rumor

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