Seth Bitters

Short Circuits
Information on this page pertains to events in a temporary universe and may have minimal long-term bearing on the game.

Seth Bitters
Basic Information
Team	Tokyo Lift
Status	Alive?
Batting	(1.8)
Pitching	(2.7)
Defense	(2.0)
Running	(3.0)
External Links	Blaseball-Reference Player Changes Player Page
Personal Information
Evolution	Base
Peanut Allergy	No
Pregame Ritual	Leaving a legacy
Coffee Style	Latte
Blood Type	Basic
Fate	4
Soulscream	IEXOEIEXOEIAAHEXAAHEXA

Seth Bitters was a rotation player for the Tokyo Lift, and competed in Gamma 4.

Official League Record

Bitters was first seen as a rotation player for the Tokyo Lift after the Microphone Localized and Tuned into Gamma 4.

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Biography

Seth Bitters is an idol performer and former actuary from Lincolnshire, England.

To celebrate his retirement after forty years at the same office desk, Bitters and his wife Margaret booked a two-week cruise of the Asian Pacific. When their ship docked in Yokohama for day excursions the couple became separated from their tour group; lost in Akihabara they were caught up in a noisy pre-season fanmeet for the Tokyo Lift's pitching idols. Bitters is unfailingly polite and would hate for anyone to think they'd inconvenienced him, so did his best to go with the flow.

The Bitters spent so long entangled in the throng that they missed the cruise ship's departure. Lift player Art Dembélé persuaded the couple to accept a room in the Legscraper until they could connect with the cruise at its next port of call. By this time social media was awash with fancams featuring a baffled English tourist wearing cat ears and an awkward smile.

"This wasn't in the brochure, Margaret" -- Seth Bitters

A hastily-convened publicity stunt saw him pitch to a selection of Lift hitters at preseason training. Bitters had never watched a game of Blaseball but did play clricket for his junior school’s third XI. Fifty years later his wayward attempts at off-breaks, inswingers and yorkers were unlike anything the team had faced before and prompted animated discussion among coaching staff. The Lift offered Bitters a short-term development contract that he felt it would be rude to turn down and a two-album idol deal that he does not fully understand.

Tokyo Lift pitchers are expected to maintain a dual career as Blaseball player and pop star. Bitters' eleventh-hour addition to the team sent stylists and choregraphers scrambling to adjust schoolgirl costumes and tightly-synchronised dance routines to accommodate a 65-year-old man with a double hip replacement. His only previous stage experience had been in the chorus during a student production of The Pirates of Penzance, and his signature song is a frenetic, heavily-autotuned hyperpop deconstruction of With Cat-Like Tread, Upon Our Prey We Steal after which he usually needs a bit of a sit down.

During his rookie season Bitters returned a team-best ERA, shifted 199,600 downloads of Cat-Like Tread and featured in a gruelling twenty-three-inning duel with the LA Infinite Tacos' Oliver Soto, ultimately losing by the only run of the game. During postseason he was said to be "mulling" a contract extension.

Outside of Blaseball, Bitters is the oblivious star of a TlikTok series called Tea Reviews. These shaky five-second clips were secretly filmed by his twelve-year-old granddaughter, amused by his habit of announcing "ahhh, nice cup of tea" whenever served a cup of tea. The ahhh, nice cup of tea Ten Hour Supercut was recently removed from YlouTube after it appeared in a leaked dossier of CIA brainwashing techniques.