Riley Firewall/IF-8.020

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Rumor / Community Lore
This article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community. It is just one of many Rumors that we've found in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill. You can find more Rumors about Riley Firewall at their Rumor Registry.

Creation and Appearance

Firewall is a being of pure code. They were created upon construction of Worldwide Field and have since acted as a virtual assistant, programmed to aid stadium staff and Dale players. Following the death of Raúl Leal, Riley’s Friendly Incineration Relief Entity (F.I.R.E.) protocol was reportedly activated. This allowed them to create a physical form to better help the team recover emotionally and statistically their loss. It is believed that they chose the form of a clown due to a programming flaw. This faulty algorithm implanted in Riley the belief that clowns are universally beloved and effective in matters of grief management; thus, they believed it an optimal form for their main appearance. They have pure white skin like clown paint, a red clown nose, red circular cheek marks, red lipstick, and blue curly hair that goes below the shoulders. They are always seen in their Dale uniform and cap, but instead of athletic shoes, they exclusively wear oversized sky blue and mint clown shoes. According to their teammates, they chose these shoes due to an overly literal interpretation of people saying “they have big shoes to fill after the death of Raúl Leal.”

Technical Limitations

Firewall's hardware and software are known to be deficient and unreliable, having been homebrewed in absurdly convoluted ways. Reportedly, even something as simple as their internal clock runs on a combination of a sundial and light sensors. According to eye witnesses, they have trouble understanding normal technology, and many have suggested that this is due to their faulty system. When coming across a standard calculator, they have even been overheard making comments such as “What do you MEAN the number 7 is actually hard-coded into this thing and doesn't need to be installed as DLC?" and "What do you mean you just push numbers and get answers? Where are all the patched-in values and numerical interactions?"

Because of this terrible programming and hardware, their physical form suffers regular display and motion glitches. Common errors include visual scan lines in their projection and dropping objects due to sudden loss of materiality. When they are confused, which is reportedly often, error pop-ups resembling those of Binbows XP appear and float around their head. These glitches reportedly get worse when they experience intense emotion, regardless of whether that emotion is positive or negative. However, these reports are anecdotal; scientific experimentation on active Dale players was outlawed following the "Won't Be Control(led) Group" protests of 20XX.

Personal Life

Firewall speaks using a generic text-to-speech program. As they speak, a speech bubble appears in the air next to their mouth. These bubbles resemble those of Blimby, Michaelsoft’s infamous virtual assistant. Whenever Firewall says "dale," a media player appears in the speech bubble and plays one of hundreds of recordings of Pitblull saying "dale." Regardless of changes in the audio, the file is always labeled "Dale.mp3." Firewall's speech bubbles manifest physically, and they often use them as a blaseball bat.

Firewall spends most of their time off the field cheering on their fellow Dale players in their personal endeavors, helping around the ballpark, and studying the art of clownery. They have been observed drinking amounts of ELCTRC WTR that are far beyond recommended safety limits for a biological being to even be near, let alone consume. Tabloids have suggested that it is their main source of power; however, Firewall has never addressed such rumors.