Riley Firewall

From Blaseball Wiki

Riley Firewall was a pitcher for the Breckenridge Jazz Hands, and was with the team from Season β18, Day 6 until Fall Ball. Firewall has played for the Miami Dale.

Official League Records

Firewall joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Miami Dale on Season β13, Day 43 after the incineration of Raúl Leal.

During the Season β17 elections, Firewall became a pitcher due to the Dale's Move will.

On Season β18, Day 6, Firewall was exchanged to the Breckenridge Jazz Hands due to Feedback. Firewall was replaced by Howell Rocha.

During the Season β19 earlsiesta, Firewall was given the Undertaker modification as part of the seasonal reading.

Over the course of Season β23, Firewall entered and exited the Jazz Hands' Shadows two times as a result of Breckenridge Community Field Fax Machine events, ending the Season on the pitching rotation.

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Testimony on Riley Firewall's Background

Stories swirl about Riley Firewall in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill. Wiki archivists have dutifully recorded some of them in a Rumor Registry, summarized for easy research. These are the notes for one story from IF-8.020...

Creation and Appearance

Firewall is a being of pure code. They were created upon construction of Worldwide Field and have since acted as a virtual assistant, programmed to aid stadium staff and Dale players. Following the death of Raúl Leal, Riley’s Friendly Incineration Relief Entity (F.I.R.E.) protocol was reportedly activated. This allowed them to create a physical form to better help the team recover emotionally and statistically their loss. It is believed that they chose the form of a clown due to a programming flaw. This faulty algorithm implanted in Riley the belief that clowns are universally beloved and effective in matters of grief management; thus, they believed it an optimal form for their main appearance. They have pure white skin like clown paint, a red clown nose, red circular cheek marks, red lipstick, and blue curly hair that goes below the shoulders. They are always seen in their Dale uniform and cap, but instead of athletic shoes, they exclusively wear oversized sky blue and mint clown shoes. According to their teammates, they chose these shoes due to an overly literal interpretation of people saying “they have big shoes to fill after the death of Raúl Leal.”

Technical Limitations

Firewall's hardware and software are known to be deficient and unreliable, having been homebrewed in absurdly convoluted ways. Reportedly, even something as simple as their internal clock runs on a combination of a sundial and light sensors. According to eye witnesses, they have trouble understanding normal technology, and many have suggested that this is due to their faulty system. When coming across a standard calculator, they have even been overheard making comments such as “What do you MEAN the number 7 is actually hard-coded into this thing and doesn't need to be installed as DLC?" and "What do you mean you just push numbers and get answers? Where are all the patched-in values and numerical interactions?"

Because of this terrible programming and hardware, their physical form suffers regular display and motion glitches. Common errors include visual scan lines in their projection and dropping objects due to sudden loss of materiality. When they are confused, which is reportedly often, error pop-ups resembling those of Binbows XP appear and float around their head. These glitches reportedly get worse when they experience intense emotion, regardless of whether that emotion is positive or negative. However, these reports are anecdotal; scientific experimentation on active Dale players was outlawed following the "Won't Be Control(led) Group" protests of 20XX.

Personal Life

Firewall speaks using a generic text-to-speech program. As they speak, a speech bubble appears in the air next to their mouth. These bubbles resemble those of Blimby, Michaelsoft’s infamous virtual assistant. Whenever Firewall says "dale," a media player appears in the speech bubble and plays one of hundreds of recordings of Pitblull saying "dale." Regardless of changes in the audio, the file is always labeled "Dale.mp3." Firewall's speech bubbles manifest physically, and they often use them as a blaseball bat.

Firewall spends most of their time off the field cheering on their fellow Dale players in their personal endeavors, helping around the ballpark, and studying the art of clownery. They have been observed drinking amounts of ELCTRC WTR that are far beyond recommended safety limits for a biological being to even be near, let alone consume. Tabloids have suggested that it is their main source of power; however, Firewall has never addressed such rumors.

Breckenridge Jazz Hands

Riley Firewall joined the Breckenridge Jazz Hands in Season β18 after a Feedback swap with Howell Rocha. Firewall handled the Feedback well, taking it as an opportunity to get away from Miami and the ghosts they left behind there. Firewall was sent off to Breckenridge by Rocha, who manifested to Firewall as Raúl Leal during and after the swap.

In Breckenridge, Firewall participates in local outdoor activities that generally involve disappearing periodically into the mountains, such as snowboarding and nature walks. They also try to participate in the theatre culture of The Pocket by helping run door for tragedy productions that they pretend not to have interest in. Despite generally pretending to not care or have interest in their teammates or their activities, Firewall still partakes in team activities such as the regular team jam sessions where they play guitar and sing. Firewall even recruited Steph Weeks into their band to play drums. They also have been learning more ASL from Weeks and Mikan Hammer.

The Firewall

While playing for the Jazz Hands, Firewall became known by fans as just “The Firewall.” On Day 54 of Season β18, then-new to the team Firewall watched the incineration of Bauer Zimmerman from their spot on the mound, a second incineration in one season for the still-mourning Jazz Hands. From that point, fans and players noticed that Firewall was unusually focused during Solar Eclipse weather. It also became clear that Jazz Hands players were coming out the other side alive. Firewall became known amongst fans as a good luck charm in an otherwise harrowing situation.

Firewall truly became The Firewall on Day 23 of Season β21 when they faced the Debt-having Silvaire Roadhouse in a game versus the Boston Flowers. Firewall pitched a shutout until the eighth inning when Roadhouse stepped up to the plate. Teammates reported seeing Firewall pause on the mound as if listening for something, before walking Roadhouse. When asked about their performance in a postgame interview, Firewall said “I could hear Them, feel Them around me. I thought I heard Raúl, and then another voice. It told me to let Silvaire walk, so I did.”

Firewall upheld their reputation in Season β23 when the Day 14 eclipse against the Hellmouth Sunbeams went by without an Incineration, breaking what fans call the “JazzBeams Double Incineration Curse.” The curse became something fans feared after the double incineration of Combs Estes and Sutton Bishop occurred ten seasons after the double incineration of Ogden Mendoza and Velasquez Meadows. Ultimately, with Firewall on the mound, a third double incineration did not come to pass, and the curse was broken.

Fan Works