PolkaDot Matrix/Rumor Registry

From Blaseball Wiki


PolkaDot Matrix has 2 Rumors written about so far.

PolkaDot Matrix/IF-17.14

Matrix was bought to replace a faulty printer that stopped working in the SIBR offices. Over time, as they were sent more and more cursed blaseball data to print, they slowly grew sentient. Matrix grew to resent being left alone for most of the day. Eventually, their anger reached a boiling peak and it went on an office rampage, throwing crushed wads of paper at office workers at high speed. After this, SIBR realized their sentience and introduced it to the other sentient machines who worked there.

Matrix pitches by printing pictures of blaseballs at speeds of up to 100 mph.


Matrix is sassy and loves teasing teammates and strangers alike. Matrix presents a facade of aloofness, but this is a front to cover up a deep sense of loneliness. They love toying with people trying to print things, such as forcing them to win a round of tetris at agonizingly slow speeds by printing a single frame every minute to prolong their interactions with Matrix.

Matrix can and will bite people who stick their arms too far into the paper tray. During a mouse infestation in the SIBR offices, Matrix whirred into the break room and was spotted thirty seconds later zooming out covered in blood, ink cartridges fully filled.

Relations With Teammates

Espresso Machine helped upgrade its firmware and turn its error beeps and whirs into something resembling a voice. Matrix loves to tease Strike, Looking, who is an easy target for jokes because he takes everything incredibly seriously, and it slightly resents Bob E. Cagayan for the sheer volume of stuff he prints. Matrix can often be seen commiserating with Algebra Goldberg about their shared hatred of graphs.

PolkaDot Matrix/IF-281.8

PolkaDot Matrix is a member of the Society for Internet Blaseball Research. They currently run the printing department. No one is sure how or when they were hired, however as they are very good at keeping the printers running, members at the SIBR do not question it.

Matrix is very protective over her domain, frequently hissing at people who enter the department. She keeps printers working by hitting them with a blaseball bat, which as a result leaves both her and the room covered in printer ink. Matrix has been seen naming the printers, claiming the names are anglicized of their True Names. She always puts emphasis on "True Names" when signing. Members of the SIBR are friendly towards her despite her protectiveness of the printing department. Members leave USBs, Floppy Discs, Ancient Runes, and many other forms of data storage in the doorway of the printing department for Matrix to print.

Matrix frequently attends SIBR events, such as the annual Data Crunch. While mute, they are very talkative, though often rambling on about things no one quite understands. This is of course common at the SIBR.

Matrix pitches by hitting printers, the resulting explosion of ink propelling the ball at high speeds.

Personal Life

Not much is known about PolkaDot Matrix, things known are that she is mute, likes gluten free noodles, and enjoys colourful things. Matrix communicates via twitter, and by signing IPS (Immaterial Plane Sign).

They also enjoy climbing on things, and will often climb atop the mountains of printer paper, and across the pneumatic tube pipes that cross the ceiling of the printing department.

Matrix also has a collection of patterned paper, which she treasures and likes to show off, featuring many different kinds of paper, from lined paper to fancy sticky notes (which she sometimes wears as accessories)

Create New Rumor

To create a new Rumor for PolkaDot Matrix, use the Page Creation tool to the right. The IF number needs to be a randomly generated 4 or 5 digit number with a period placed somewhere within, and it cannot match any numbers currently used on this page. We've generated one for you to use, but feel free to use a different number. This will create a subpage under PolkaDot Matrix for inclusion in the main page. Visit Interdimensional Rumor Mill/Guide to read more about how to create a new Rumor.