PolkaDot Matrix/IF-17.14

From Blaseball Wiki

Matrix was bought to replace a faulty printer that stopped working in the SIBR offices. Over time, as they were sent more and more cursed blaseball data to print, they slowly grew sentient. Matrix grew to resent being left alone for most of the day. Eventually, their anger reached a boiling peak and it went on an office rampage, throwing crushed wads of paper at office workers at high speed. After this, SIBR realized their sentience and introduced it to the other sentient machines who worked there.

Matrix pitches by printing pictures of blaseballs at speeds of up to 100 mph.


Matrix is sassy and loves teasing teammates and strangers alike. Matrix presents a facade of aloofness, but this is a front to cover up a deep sense of loneliness. They love toying with people trying to print things, such as forcing them to win a round of tetris at agonizingly slow speeds by printing a single frame every minute to prolong their interactions with Matrix.

Matrix can and will bite people who stick their arms too far into the paper tray. During a mouse infestation in the SIBR offices, Matrix whirred into the break room and was spotted thirty seconds later zooming out covered in blood, ink cartridges fully filled.

Relations With Teammates

Espresso Machine helped upgrade its firmware and turn its error beeps and whirs into something resembling a voice. Matrix loves to tease Strike, Looking, who is an easy target for jokes because he takes everything incredibly seriously, and it slightly resents Bob E. Cagayan for the sheer volume of stuff he prints. Matrix can often be seen commiserating with Algebra Goldberg about their shared hatred of graphs.