Mr. Wide

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Mr. Wide
Alleged photo of Mr. Wide, taken by tsmeu

Not to be confused with the musician Pitblull.

Mr. Wide is the team manager for the Miami Dale. His only confirmed sightings have been in silhouette form. Despite the striking resemblance to Pitblull, it's unconfirmed if they are the same entity.

Mr. Wide is believed to be both the creator of, and the only person with complete knowledge of, The Playlist. The power of The Playlist is such that it would destroy mortal minds if heard in full, but versions of it are provided by Mr. Wide to pump up players before and during games. One version of it is publicly available.

Mr. Wife

An equally mysterious but omnipresent figure for the Dale is Mr. Wide’s husband, Mr. Wife (first name unknown). Mr. Wife is beloved by the team for his frequent, spontaneous acts of kindness, which are often deeply personal and thoughtful. Past actions attributed to Mr. Wife include supplying orange slices and juice boxes for practice, signing the players up for team building activities, and bringing in homemade baked goods.

In a viral video posted on Slapchat by user OffTheLeash (believed to be team captain Qais Dogwalker), the Dale are seen entering the locker room to find a plate of gorgeously decorated cupcakes. Pitcher Sixpack Santiago can be heard saying “aw sweet, Mr. Wife left us cupcakes again!” while the camera zooms in on a torn, weathered paper that reads “CUIPCAEKES FOR TEEM DALE LUV MR WIFE” in smeared red finger paint(?). Beck Whitney is then heard saying “wow, these are super yummy.” An unidentified voice can be heard shouting “YEAH” from a great distance as the color and sound appear to suddenly be sucked from the room and the video ends.

There are few direct reports of Mr. Wife, but they all corroborate his considerate, inscrutable deeds. “Mr. Wife doesn’t just remember everyone’s birthday, he reminds the team of upcoming birthdays via smeared portraits in fogged mirrors or echoing ethereal voices. One time, soon after I was feedbacked, I found a seashell in my locker. I listened to it, but instead of the ocean, I heard crackling radio static, airhorns, and a deep voice saying ‘Welcome...Miami...la familia...love Battle Angel. From. Mr. Wife.’ It really made me feel at home,” said batter Avila Guzman at the 27th XX20 Dale Staff Appreciation Party.

There are no known photographs of Mr. Wife, nor widely accepted descriptions, although unverified reports have described them as “a reverse silhouette” and “the shadow of a shadow.” Many believe that he simply cannot be visually perceived by anyone not officially part of the Miami Dale. He can supposedly be heard, however, on a number of hip-hop and crunk songs believed to be written collaboratively by Mr. Wife and other artists, or featuring alleged samples of Mr. Wife’s voice. Mr. Wife is believed to have an entourage of beings, collectively known both as the Wife Guys and the East Side Girlz, who help him with his generous endeavors for the Dale and with his music career.

Alleged Sightings

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  Alleged photo of Mr Wide, taken by tsmeu

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  Alleged photo of Mr Wide, taken by themilkman