Mike Townsend/IF-37.403
Rumor / Community LoreThis article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community. It is just one of many Rumors that we've found in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill. You can find more Rumors about Mike Townsend at their Rumor Registry.
LIL ROADIES LIL MAGAZINE EXCLUSIVE INVESTIGATION: What Secrets Lie Underneath Mike Townsend's Hat?
Dear Lil’ Roadies Lil’ Magazine,
Mike Townsend is my favorite pitcher tied with all the other Garages pitchers! But today I realized that I have never seen him not wearing a hat. What’s underneath Mike Townsend’s hat?
Your friend,
Tim U.
Dear Tim,
Thank you for writing in with such an important question! In an exclusive investigation conducted by Lil’ Roadies lead investigative reporter, Kenneth Midcentury (that’s me!), the Lil’ Roadies Lil’ Magazine has finally uncovered the mystery of what’s underneath Mike’s hat! We’ve consulted dozens of Seattle residents, read scholarly articles on the matter, and had our expert team follow Townsend everywhere we could until he politely but firmly asked us to stop. Our lead investigative reporter (that’s me!) even tried to sneak into his room at midnight to discover the truth, but was caught by Oliver Mueller and told to go to bed. No matter the setbacks, our team strove to discover the truth, and through hard work, perseverance, and a crucial interview with Townsend’s teammate Betsy Trombone, we’ve discovered it. Here’s what what went down:
KM: Betsy!
BT: Oh, hey Kenny [e/n: That’s me!]. What’s cookin?
KM: You’d consider yourself a good friend of Mike Townsend, right?
BT: As good a friend as anyone really could be, I suppose.
KM: Which means you’d have seen him without his hat on, right?
BT: I mean, sure!
KM: So then, tell our readers: what’s really under Townsend’s hat?
BT: Under… under his hat?
KM: Yeah. Tell us.
BT: … Well obviously Batatouille lives there.
KM: What?
BT: You really think Mike can function on his own? No way. He’s piloted by a tiny little guy named Batatouille who lives under his hat and pulls his hair to steer him around.
KM: Really?
BT: Yeah just ask him yourself. Anyway I gotta, uh, go to a location now. Bye!
KM: Bye Betsy!
Townsend was unable to comment on the matter, so the Lil' Roadies Lil' Magazine has decided to take Trombone’s words as fact. However, we are still undecided as to whether Batatouille is a rat (like the movie RatatouiIIe), a bat (like Rouge from Sonic), or a bat (like in blaseball). All three of these would explain why Townsend’s batting is much better than his pitching.
Well there you have it Lil' Readers! Another mystery solved.
Until next time,
Kenny Mid (that’s me!)
